WITH YOU

the rain hadn't stopped since last few days.

dark clouds hang low, decorating the grey skies.

my heart is somewhere faraway. i think my heart is with you.

oh where have my love gone to?

leaving me cold and deserted in this drenched solitude.

my skin stings to the sense of touch.

flakes of ice frozen within my lashes, handicapping my ability to see.

is this a delusion that i manipulated upon my troublesome soul?

where is the love you promised to give?

the truth that cuts through your facade.

here i lay in the cradle of death, waiting.

a black humour someone played on me.

you lost your sense of humour, while i laughed myself into nothingness.

when the rain stops, you will be back.

where am i?

i wonder to myself.

dark clouds hang low.

zeroing the chance to see the silver lining.

where is my heart?

i think.

it's with you.

THEY CALL IT A SOLITUDE BLISS

there are some things in life that we just can't seem to figure out. like why the lush roses have thorns and why pigs don't fly. most of the time we stare at the sky and wonder what exactly is the actual color of it. the sky is dark most of the time, but why aren't the stars shining as vividly as before when the cities were still quiet. we wish for the simplest thing in life but how many of them actually come true. the only reason why we live on is because we're still waiting for our wish to be liven.

in my world, roses don't have thorns and pigs fly. that's all because of you.

MY SAVIOUR

like a silent sorrow that creeps in the dark. i am haunted by what we all known as guilt. it attacks your conscience, makes you feel vulnerable to justice. you plead for forgiveness, but you receive null.

a thousand words that pierced your heart as your ego is smashed. like a crystal mug that was filled with the water of life. they sink into the sands, never having a second chance to return.

there are times when you pray for someone to heal your broken heart, however long you wait, they never seem to be there.

maybe you're cursed like what they had said about you. life for you is a punishment, you live to repent.

if there is a way out, death might be the only. however hard you try, something saves you. you'll never get out of this.

when all you wish for is for a savior who would take all these pain away. at the end of the day, you cry in the night alone because,

the savior you wish for will never come.

THE DAY HAS FINALLY ARRIVED

ORD LOH

it's amazing how time seriously flies. it felt like yesterday when i enlisted. haha crap. it's been a fuckin' long time alright whaha. ns is boring shit. hahahaha.

but all thanks to all my basic training squadmates like matthew, gerald. npco squadmates like seng khng, johnson, kian siang. team c collegues like everybody in the team esp iskandar who taught me the reins of being an npco in pasir ris, fadli and nazrul for looking out for me.

thank God for letting me cross the paths of these awesome people. of coz, life still goes on. and crap, it's time to grow up. haha.

a levels coming up and i'll make sure i work out something 'bout it. winsty's right, i hear ya bro. i'm making sure i don't waste time anymore. time's too precious to waste. and it's really time i start treasuring what i've always took for granted.

i wanna say a big thank you to fel, my ultimate best friend, whom i think is the only one in this world who knows me inside out. i love you girl. i really can't live without you. ahhahaha.

to all my brothers whom had made my life complete. heh i'll make sure i treat all of you better from now on. love you loads bros.

to all that cares to read my blog. thanks for always being here with me through my darkest and lowest point in life. i might not see you or hear you often, but sincerely. thank you for taking notice of me. =)

to my mum, dad and sis. sorry ah i know i haven't been home often due to work and play. haha. i love you guys so much.

and to the very special person in my life. i have been blogging about you ever since i've known you. haha. i guess you just don't realised it. =) i love you dear.

take care peeps. ciaoz.

BRAINSTORM

this isn't a juvenile conflict we ought to overlook. at least, it's time to face it. you can't solve it if you'd never faced it. you can never overcome it if all you do is run.

i hate it. i fucking hate this. why does it always go back to square one when i'd proceeded with it so well. fucking brains and analysis. somebody shoot me in the head.

i wished somebody could tell me what to do. or has everybody told me what to do so many times i just don't agree to them. that's why i'm still stuck in this predicament.

how can i lose this war when i've come this far. how can i give up?

i must win this war. i must win this war. i must win.

i'll win this time.

THE ORCHESTRA

we all live like muted trumpets for sometimes we cannot play in our true sound in certain pieces in our lives. a symphony requires the whole unique blend of each and every individual instrument and there are times when we will have to mute the trumpets if that is the sound required.

we have to sacrifice the small things to accomplish something greater.

likewise in life, there are times when we have to mute ourselves (not literally) in order to fit into society. however, it doesn't mean we aren't ourselves anymore.

we're simply more reserved.

the choices in life come in hordes of sudden waves. we have to decide so quickly we often regret our decision. we think too much, bother too much about other factors that we failed to realise what the heart really wants. most of the time, all we have to do is follow our hearts.

cliche, but so true.

i believe we all only have a hundred years to live. i guess for every single moment to me is a gift from God who want me to make the best out of every one of them. i love the things God have given me in life.

He have given me the best i could receive.

i see heaven when i close my eyes.
when i close my eyes, i see you.

SENORITA

the view of the horizon ignites the thought of the ends of the world and provokes the mind to wander into the undiscovered lands. the need for the courage that many lack to break free from the bondage of society. the cruelty that one can be subjected to is not discrimination,

but self-pity.

the life that is casted down on each individual is unique and incomparable. one can never say one is not blessed, he's simply not appreciating what he's got. we envy what people have and never once looked at ourselves and truly be contented.

we are egoistic, selfish people i must say.

many taunted others because they are insecured. they reject alternate ideas and beliefs because they are afraid. they fear for the fact that one day, their life might change just so sudddenly.

the efforts towards a beautiful life is ruined.

because when i think of you, i know someday, my life will be completed.

IGNORAMUS

a fine line of distinction between love and lust. a subtle difference in tampering with the notation of playing with fire. taking a break, breaking up. there is no clear definition as to what is meant to be.

no one understands.

they call it retail therapy. some call it a waste of money. what is bought filled us up with a sense of hope of being beautiful. such profound ideology brought up from a simple feministic hobby.

how can i cast you aside like a forgotten dream when all that i dream of is for you to be here with me.

SCREAM

he embarks on a journey through silence. a momentum that built up with the years of observation. he sins along the way. he learns and grows wiser. like an old tree that conjures up spirits. like a saint who commits no sins. the distinction of purity lies not from what he does or where he comes from, but the very impregnable fortress that lies from within him. as long as the light shines from within, it will be pure. there's no requirement to acknowledge the right and wrong for as long as the insides are pure. nothing tainted will be shown.

where the sins grow roots and bloom. somebody has to chop it off. for the heart and soul has a freehold to grow, where sins will bloom and overtake. no amount of anything can kill the wraith growing inside for it lies within the impregnable fortress that forbids anything from entering. a light that shines through walls and veins. a love that fights in tons of wars. a knight that stands in silver armor.

a man that lives without regrets.

WHAT DAY IS IT

the water lilies drifting in the pond while the blue sky and clouds hanged above. i stand in the middle of these fields with endless boundaries. like a dream that kept us alive, the wind blew by. there you are standing right next to me holding my hand. how wonderful it feels to just have you by my side. with nothing else to worry, with just you here in my heart. all else doesn't matter, all else doesn't matter.

as long as you love me.

THE SWEET LITTLE THINGS IN LIFE

the late nights we stayed up together just waiting for each other to fall asleep even though we are miles apart. the times when you would call to say good night. the days when we always wait for the days when we would see each other. the moments when there was no need to speak because we both know. we love each other so much that if either one was to leave, we'll never be complete.

how long has it been since love has knocked on my door. how long has it been since you'd knocked on my door. i don't keep track of your footsteps because i don't want to follow anymore. i'm always left behind in the race when everyone else's so far in front. i don't want to lose to you.

i want to win you. i want to be the one carrying the trophy in front, while you follow close behind. i'd rather it be like that. because this will never happen. i'll always walk beside you.

everytime i close my eyes and saturate my mind with your smiles.

i know deep inside.

you are all that i ever wanted.

ACCIDENTAL DROPLIGHT

some people believe that love happens when it's least expected. we all accidentally fall in love. and of coz it's out of goodwill as we all know that all actions are justified in the name of love. but there are times when we end up at the lowest point in our lives and love never seems to appear. we start questioning if cupid's slacking somewhere or it's simply not the right time for love to appear. we pick ourselves up, we get used to being alone. well singlehood has its pros and cons. at least, there's only me, myself and i to worry about. isn't it?

love makes us laugh, love makes us cry. most of the times love fills us up, but there are times when love leaves us empty. leaves us all broken and alone. everytime a heart breaks, a star fades in the sky. but everytime a heart is mended, a star is reborn. whenever you look up at the sky, you'll see stars. sometimes you don't because the sky is too bright. simply not meant for the naked eyes to view. some things are meant to be seen not with our eyes, but with our hearts.

we fill ourselves up with cliche sayings. but isn't it just wonderful to simply believe? to forgive and trust again. to love, and be loved again. second chances are the most beautiful gifts we can give to somebody else. but at the end of the day, why can't we just pamper ourselves a little and give ourselves a second chance?

everytime we lose our faith, it means a cut off from happiness. and when we lose faith in ourselves, there's nothing much we can accomplish anymore. pick up the broken pieces and cast them aside. there's so much more awaiting for you to discover and find.

if you want love,

believe.

MOTIONLESS

imagine how it'll be like if the stars were to start falling from the skies and when we gaze up, we see a furious shower of bright lights luminating the whole dark night. imagine how it'll be like if we were to travel in the spaceship amongst this shower of fire globes, how exciting it'll be if you and i were to go through it together. how wonderful it is to go through the ups and downs with you.

you stood out amongst the sea of souls, the only one that drew all my attention to. but you aren't here tonight, and i'm in this sea all alone. the crowd drowned my emotions, the music emplified my delusion. the alcohol drunk my sanity, you crowded my entire being. no matter how i try to cast it all out, i cannot for i can never live without you. no, never without you.

a slam on my head against the hard wooden wall, i cannot bleed, my life is still unwanted. i'm painfully walking this road i'm on, struggling to keep up with something i could never comprehend. oh heavens open your door, let this poor soul in just for a little while. so he can rest his troubled soul in the comfort of the angels.

and when i think of you, i find my peace within. because you are my savior, you are my soul companion. if i keep your presence in my heart

i live.

LIVE

the walk towards the twilight forces you to keep your eyes squinted. you can barely make out what's coming at you, to put it crudely, you're half-blind. that's how love makes you. it's like staring at the light and just heading towards it because you're enjoying the warmth of love, the lighted future it brings. love makes you do the craziest things. and it's always justified in the name of love.

likewise a prayer, we hold in our hearts hopes and dreams that we long for to be alive. the reasons we breathe, the reasons we live. we hold in our hearts hopes and dreams that not only long to be alive, but are also the very source that keeps us alive.

if life was easy, it wouldn't have been so enriching, so promising. if life was easy, well, living wouldn't have been such a great thing after all.

all the hopes and all the dreams that i hold in my heart, i long for you. because in your eyes i see

what true love means.

LAVENDER

it's like watching cars rushing on the highway as you stroll down the sidewalk so far away from the road. you tilt your head and gaze at the night sky, counting stars. the breeze swept across your face gently coupled with a little scent of lavender in this winter night, you find peace. the purple flowers blooming across the fields, gentle flakes of snow falling. such a beautiful sight.

the silent whisper of your voice in my head as i tucked my hands in my jacket. i wonder how it'll be if you're here with me. just the two of us sitting on the purple fields holding hands. it'll be wonderful, wouldn't it?

i walked this path never trying to find out where i'm going because living is a process and the end will be whatever it will be. i don't want to care if it's gonna stop snowing or the lavenders gonna wither or the stars might fade.

there'll always be a time when it's gonna snow again, lavenders gonna bloom again, the stars gonna shine again. just like the both of us, there'll be a time when it's just the two of us again. just you and i sitting on the purple fields gazing at the quiet night sky

with you holding my hands.

THE MONSTER THAT ATE JELLYBEANS

unlike the tyrant that baked ham on the stove,
the monster ate jellybeans.

he finished the bottle, watching mad tv.
his favourite was the greens.

like the angel that has six wings,
the monster has six arms.

he used one arm to hold the other arm.
the other two arms to hold the two other arms.

because he is a monster,
he needed self-control.

the other day when he forgotten where he placed the jellybeans,
he overthrown the russian kingdom, looking for it.

and the russian king ordered the knights of amsterdam
to slay the monster who ate jellybeans.

the monster threw a couple of jellybeans on the ground
and summoned the jellyking.

the jellyking ate up the knights of amsterdam
and asked the monster if he wanted more jellybeans.

the monster said yes,
why would he say no to jellybeans?

he took the new bottle of jellybeans
and headed back to his couch.

there he sat, eating jellybeans.
watching mad tv.

this is what i call a mad entry.
and if you read it heh.

you're mad.

I WAS TRAPPED IN THE MANSION

it was damn scary can. i had nightmare again! i was attending a case at this mansion and i got lost. yupz. all alone and this little girl kept following me. ugh she appeared to me like translucent figure that disappears as soon as i saw it. freaky.

i walked in circles for gawd knows how many times and i can never get out of the mansion. the ghosts blinded me. and guess what, my mum came and saved me. :D

but she left soon after coz she had to hurry home.

i was alone outside and managed to get to some nearby marketplace. there were alot of people. weird looking. they looked dead. and it was hazy like fuck. haha. yes you can see the haze. someone told me it's because it was the first day of ghost fest. hmm.

i saw people fighting. yupz a female supermodel and her boyfriend fighting a bunch of police officers. they got caught in the end and i ended up in the front seat of the minivan.

bad thing happened in the van. the girl was trashing the officers behind. she literally chewed on one of them! ugh. the boyfriend disappeared..

and i woke up.

i hate nightmares.

I DREAMT THAT I WAS DEAD

and i was in netherworld. yea i know i'm weird to dream of such stuffs but.. haha my dreams are more exciting than yours! BOO. anyway, i dreamt that my sister and max were there too. lol. i bet it's because max told me to kill him, no wonder i'm dreaming of him dead. as for my sister, well, she probably just dropped by.

anyway, the three of us were scouting this weird building. damn it looks like our average building only must more sleek and hi-tech. gawd. but this place feels dark. there's just something about this place that keeps reminding you that this is the netherworld.

we came across this mama shop. ah yes, and i was hungry so i left them and went to look for stuffs to buy. i browsed for a very long time and ended up with just a packet of bundung. i know it's stupid but whatever, i just felt like drinking it. hahaha.

it was very nicely packed. brown recycled material and pink flora prints and the word bundung. it's very pretty. haha but the stupid thing is it doesn't come with a straw. and ya, i didn't bother getting one from the auntie too.

i rushed to look for max and my sister but they seemed to have wandered off pretty far. i did saw them walking out of the room and walking off in different directions, but i realised that those are holograms that were reanimated to give me clues as to where they have gone. great. it kinda freaked me out a little seeing holograms moving.

just then, max and his friend came back from wherever they went and i overheard them say this. "if your butt has a tattoo. it means you have to go to school."

right after that, we're transported to some place with bright sunny sky and greengreen greens. there is a very high highway though. max asked if i realised that this highway never ends. i looked and agreed. and somewhat deep inside, i realised the irony of death.

i came back here and live again.

and this time, it sucks bigger time because they have stupid tracking devices making sure you do what you have to do! (including going to school) and if you don't perform your tasks, you'll be punished.

ugh. netherworld is scary.

FORBIDDEN LOVE

no place to be
just the girl and him
i guess some things aren't meant to be

how can she
someone who dreams
love somebody who lives upon
an aimless destiny

clip her wings
bring her down
sink him into the abyss of sins
take her soul
overtake her body
she subjected to immoral cruelty
of this boy who doesn't dream

she cried she say
she will stand by him
a burden too heavy to bear
an act no one else understands
she cried this is her dream
a mistaken image
they call forbidden love

I CAN'T IMAGINE LIFE WITHOUT YOU

because of the universal answer to everything.
(i'm trying my best not to quote you. hahaha.)

WORLD OF OUR OWN

The very big problem with regards to the world trying to come together and solve the global environmental issues is the breakdown in communication. So what attributes to a breakdown in communication?

Well, it is simply distrust and self-interest.

When the countries come together and discuss on what to do about the environmental problems, everyone seems to be focusing on something that affects them the most. Well, it is undeniably for self-interest. Afterall, who really cares about the world when it is their nation's survival at hand.

Indeed, there are people around who really cares about the earth but when we really sit down and start thinking of ways to solve the problems, we will definitely start finding ways that do not shortchange us in the process. It may sound really selfish, but we are only humans afterall.

However, there are international organisations set up to counter this 'human' problem. For example, the UN bodies in the environmental field has been established and their role is to start finding ways to solve environmental problems with impartiality.

Armed with policies formulated cross-nationally and campaigns organised internationally, the fight to solve global environmental threats has just entered a whole new dimension.

What is the outcome depends directly on us.

WHAT IS THE BEST FOR THEM?

"There's always a great deal of rhetoric about how we need to race all the faster for economic 'growth' because it will help the poorest people on earth. In practice, of course, the poorest people on earth often just get brushed aside in the rush."

There are contradictory consequences that often derived from the good intentions of the first world countries to aid the third world countries in development. A reason that I have thought of is probably because the first world countries do not realise what the third world countries really need.

Most people think that by helping the third world countries achieve economic growth is helping them. The irony here is that most people are not aware of the trade-off that is involved in the third world in order for them to enjoy 'economic growth'.

Global seed corporations introduced hybrid seeds which promises high percentage increase in yields so that the farmers can earn more from the increased sales volume. However, in actual fact, instead of earning more, these farmers are earning lesser!

Hybrid seeds cannot be saved. They need to be purchased every year at a high cost. Not only that, hybrids are very vulnerable to pest attacks. This has in turn led to the increased spending on pesticides which has also contributed to the inflated cost needed to grow the plants.

The farmers used to sell multiple kinds of crops that are grown in their home gardens. In Java, smaller farmers cultivate 607 species in their home gardens! Using the demand and supply analysis, we can easily understand that the farmers were earning fairly well to survive. Prior to that, they were self-sufficient.

However, with the introduction of the miracle seeds, the farmers now produced million of tons of the same crop which in turn led to the drastic fall in the price of the crops sold. This has resulted in the farmers earning lesser than before. Sadly, they are no longer self-sufficient either.

Many corporations have also visioned great potential in the food processing industries in the third world countries. Under the pressure of globalisation, things changed. Hygiene laws that were passed shut down the local food processing economy. Work for human hands has also been outlawed, to be replaced by machines and chemicals bought from global corporations. This has driven millions into poverty.

Let us think about this.

What do the third world countries really need from us?

A MILLION DOLLAR DEAL

We need to adopt a thinking culture now. Why? Because our government is spending millions implementing new strategies to transform our schools into what they perceive as 'thinking organisations'.

Cool huh?

So what exactly is a thinking school? It is actually a school that infuses the passion of learning into the students and creates the ideology of teaching as a learning profession in the teachers.

The world is rapidly changing. Thus, it is critical for us to adopt to changes constantly. The future economy of Singapore will be both information and knowledge intensive. To be critical, creative, being adaptable and practising life-long learning are ways to prepare us for the fight in the near future.

Bottomline is how do we create a thinking culture.

The most probable thing that can propel the creation of a thinking culture in schools is the revolution in the culture of the teaching profession.

What do I mean?

Well, it simply means that the educators are to set themselves as role models to be thinking individuals.

It will take ages to create a thinking culture. It does not only involves the entire school, but also the society. Eventually, a thinking culture has to involve the whole nation.

A culture is created when a way of life is pursued. When there are more people involved, the stronger will a culture be.

THE VERY SINGAPOREAN ARTS SCHOOL

What comes to your mind when you think of an Arts School? Well to me, it is an institute where young artists are nurtured; a symbol of anti-conformity; a place where the Arts is truly recognised as an important and respected discipline.

This perfect portrayal of an Arts School, however, is banished the moment you learn about the direction in which the newly established arts institute in Singapore is heading.

According to the chairman of the committee set up to examine the feasibility of such a school, Mr Lee Tzu Tang, chairman of oil giant Shell, explained at a press briefing that the school would emphasise academic grades.

Mr Lee said, "In the Singapore context, we all strive for excellence, whether it's academic or artistic. This school I would see as also striving for excellence in both areas."

How wonderful.

But is this really what an Arts School is all about?

Many of the high flyers in the artistic industries would not have qualified for the school. One fine example would be Mr Chua Ek Kay who now holds a master's degree in visual arts from the University of Western Sydney, Australia. He was admitted into Lasalle-SIA College of the Arts with hardly any qualifications.

There are so many people who are talented in the Arts but they just cannot perform the same academically. Is it really fair for the Arts School to accept students based on academic grading?

The direction in which the Arts School is heading leads one into thinking are we nurturing artists or creating an audience to critique the artists in future?

FUCK THE SPYWARES THAT HAUNT COMPUTERS WORLDWIDE

i have the urge to reformat my comp. ugh damn it. whenever i see pop-ups like everywhere i surf. i feel like just reformating my poor comp which is unfortunately contaminated by so many irritating spywares.

FUCK spywares.

if i could materialise spywares from the drives on my comp, i'll make sure i throw it all into a big pot of BOILING oil and start frying them ALIVE. and probably i'll start adding so much salt on their scalding skin to accentuate their PAINNNNN.

i'll make sure they scream out for their lives...

i'm really starting to believe in seeing things from a different perspective. YES. it works, literally.

along this mainroad of eunos... yes, i've stood at the two extreme sides of the road and i'd only came to realise that i've been at the same place all along!

it's just looking at the same road from different sides and man, it did looked freakingly different. you know it's the same place, but yet when you take a different stand, you feel different, you see different!

i'm just amazed. really amazed.

HOME

just lying under the darkened sky with patches of clouds hanging effortlessly. a sprinkle of stars here and there. a big cookie crumbled moon on the far end.

in this quiet night where the heart is alone, i don't feel lonely. coz there's someone at home, waiting for me.

waiting for me to come home.

THE BIRDS IN THE SKY

i feel like i'm flying through the fluffy clouds that burst into bite-sized cottons and started scattering all over the greenlands below. the little children even thought it was snow. i feel like i'm looking at you and seeing a life so beautiful. it just feels so perfect with you around. i find peace in my everyday's quiet moments. because i've finally found someone who likes me for me. it feels so comfortable being with you. like the birds that fly freely in the sky, life is beautiful because of you. i can stay here just holding your hand, and looking up at the sky. because with you around, my life is beautiful. yes.

i'm in love with you. absolutely.

GET ME A DOG PLEASE

i wish i had a dog. i'll probably name it Lucky. then Lucky can bring me luck everywhere i go and whatever i do.

Lucky will be a white and black siberian husky and i will keep him in the aircon room so he won't have to feel hot all the time with his thick coat of fur.

Lucky will have a bed made out of the finest silk from china and eat alot vegetables for all his meals. i'll give him treats once in a while and toilet train him before he starts shitting everywhere he goes.

i'll play fetch with him so he won't be bored. i'll teach him how to sing britney spears' songs and irritate my friends with britney's tunes.

i'll bring Lucky to fel's house to play with glitz. but i'll make sure Lucky don't hump glitz coz it will not be a nice sight to see dogs hump.

i'll bring Lucky to the beach so he can swim. but he probably don't like the heat coz he likes to be in the snow.

Lucky oh Lucky.

i wish i had a dog.

THE CLOUDS IN THE SKY

i really hope things will turn out fine. like the birds can still fly or the clouds will remain fluffy.

just hope things turn out fine.

ME

a soul that longed to be
something bigger than life itself.
where there is a purpose much greater
than living itself.

trapped in a shell he cannot abandon
neither can he find the courage to hold it up high
scars he cannot erase
some things he's desperate to hide.

some people just don't understand
he's rejected because of that.
unhappy with a life that he has
no contentment, some might say.

he is a sinner no one will save
borned into a hopeless world
a superficial world
he cannot let go off.

he long to be somewhere
he can never be.
he'd never accepted himself for someone
whom he really is.

a madman in a mask.
a loser trying to win.
an endless pursuit of honour.
a sinner,

he'll always be.

THE A HUNDRED HOURS A DAY WISH

i really wish that a hundred hours made up a day.

because then i can do whatever i want and be satisfied. really satisfied. whaha. but then again, i'll probably hope that two hundred hours made up a day. oh well.

so make it right, now i have twentyfourhoursaday.

i want to play. i NEED to study. ahhhh i hate to make such choices. it's so obvious what i will choose but i can't!

brrr.

oh man, make it a hundred hours will you?

THAT SUMMER AND THEM

i'm having a freaking bad headache. haha. probably coz i didn't sleep in the proper position just now. lol. i don't know what's going through their heads. i don't know just how important they are to me and how important i am to them. and here you are reading my entry, paying attention to my thoughts, hoping to share a little wisdom with me. but why am i not putting you in the more important piority in my life? am i taking things for granted? sigh i really don't know. when you start trusting people and people changed, that feeling sucked.
BIG TIME. like all of a sudden, you feel stupid and naive. you feel like you're the greatest ass in the world and everyone's laughing at you. ah what a feeling!

maybe i should just do what i've always been doing. hmm haha. i'm too random. can't think of any specific things that i've been doing. oh well. just shoot me in the head and pray for me to go heaven to be with God.

i'll probably end up in hell though.

WHICH CAME FIRST, CHICKEN OR EGG?

i feel like i'm standing outside the circle drawn on the sand. it's dumb looking at chickens fight but can't help it. what's worse?

i feel like joining in. hahaha.

i'm bored. feel so uptight about myself. can't help but envy people who are enjoying their lives while i'm here waiting for my chance. the opportunity. it's peace now. it's in fact bliss too. don't want to lose it. but i want happiness still.

like i always do.

ah chickens fighting, so where's the eggs?

DON'T PEAK AT ME BATHING YOU MORON

there's this thing about contentment, about being happy, about being depressed; they run in a cycle. yes just like a cyclical fluctuation in a business cycle.

the peak and the unpeaked times.

i'm back at the peak having fun with all my friends. dotaing. clubbing. kboxing. animeing. feasting. movieing. ahh. it scares me at times because at the back of my head i know that all these won't last. there will be a time when all these fun will stop because everybody starts getting busy with other stuffs.

once again, life failed to remain permanent.

some people will say if it doesn't change, life will remain stagnant. yes i know but i rather it remain stagnanted at the PEAK.

and when i start thinking again. probably coz when you rest too long at the peak, you get tired and want to get some rest. that's when you start sliding down the slope back in the unpeaked times.

oh well i really wish life is always happy.

like ALWAYS HAPPY.

I WANT TO MARRY YOU

don't marry someone you can live with, marry someone you can't live without.

how sweet. how true. but when we really sit back and look around us. probably not many of us are lucky enough to do that.

we are, in fact, the most intelligent species on earth. apparantly, we may be weak physically, but our intellectual capabilities far exceeds anything on earth. our mental potential is so much wider that it may very well sum up to the extent of unlimitless. dare fool around with us, think twice, you beast.

we are cheap, cunning, selfish, arrogant. we protect ourselves so well.

speaking about adaptability. we might as well be the most adaptable species on planet earth. are you sure you can live without someone? blah that's nonsense in our generation mister.

we can't live without ourselves.

now the quote: "marry someone you can live with" is much more appropriate isn't it?

sadly, we go through phases of life. the mainstream flows like this, primary school, secondary school, junior college/poly, ns, university, work, work, work, work, work, work, retirement, work, dead. every time we enter a new phase, our life changes. people around us changes. we no longer proceed in the same direction. so sad, but true. the very nature that kept us so close together has forced us apart. we're best friends in history.

i fucking hate the mainstream. that's why. call me an idiot or snoy. whatever you want to call me. call me a kid who refuses to grow up. fine. i hate life. i hate the stupid procedures of a fucking life. it's stupid. plainly idiotic or snoyical. fuck man. life sucks. ughhh.

i'm just complaining. bahhhh.

fcuk.

THE GRASS IS GREENER ON THAT SIDE

the grass is always greener somewhere else. it's so true but i guess i'm not looking for greener grasslands anymore. i guess for me, i'd tasted the tastiest and the worst already. now all i want is just owning a piece of grassland of my own.

yea a piece that's owned by ME.

but when i start thinking again. i'm probably no longer a wandering sheep. i'd taken the other role already. i'm now a piece of grassland. yes i'm waiting for my sheep to hop on to me and start feeding on the grass i'm growing. but not here yet.

wonder where it'd wandered to.

oh well, grassland or cattle. i guess we all need to know how to be grateful when we finally found one that we love. i guess learning to treasure what you have found and not be greedy for more is of utmost importance. you'll probably be the luckiest man, sheep, grassland for always if you've learnt to treasure.

there's always a greener grassland, a fatter cattle, a better person somewhere. is the grassland that you own green enough, the cattle that you own fat enough, or the person that you love good enough?

ah fuck.

THAT STRAWBERRY BUBBLEGUM TAPE

ben thanks for the strawberry bubblegum tape!

THE ISSUE ON JUDGMENT

It is a common thing for many to play pretend. Most people fake ignorance for a simple reason; they cannot face reality and they need to escape from it.

It is like the frog in the well analogy. They only look from that fixed scope of life. Nothing more because they refused to come out of it. They refused to accept that there is something bigger than that. A life much bigger than them.

We all view life based on our experiences but how fair can it be? We have not seen everything. In fact, we will never be able to go through EVERYTHING in life. It is like playing a game of choices. You are given 2 choices in the first stage. After you have made your choice, you might never be able to come across the choice that you have forsakened for the one you chose in the subsequent stages.

It is only fair for us to leave room for doubt. We should give each and every thing the liberty to be something we have not came across. It is only fair that we resist judging. That is when we can truly see a person for the person he really is or a thing for a thing it really is.

The state of confusion only happens when we refuse to accept the person or thing just because we do not understand the rational or even simply for what it really is. We cannot say something or someone is crazy just because we do not understand the theory behind it.

Most of the time people quarrel because they do not understand what each other is trying to say. Each individual is trying to make the other understand his point but we often forget that listening and understanding each other is equally important for us to have effective communication.

Counsellors act as mirrors for their patients. They do not tell their patients what is wrong or right. They let the patients see it for themselves.

There is no clear definition to many issues in life. Let us be liberal and give the benefit of the doubt to many incidents that will occur in our life. Probably by doing so, we can expect a much fuller understanding of life without having to force it to flow in our desired way of life.

EUU

dreams. ugh im having nightmares recently. hahahaha so weirdd.

A RAINY DAY IN YOUR SKY

like the weather, like a storm that brews in front of your eyes.
seconds to change, last not more than days or nights.
because the transformation is random, you cant predict the outcome.
like the wind that carass your skin, like the sun that warms your body
like a hug from a friend, like a kiss from your sister.
a dream that lasts is only a dream that you dream of
for things change by the seconds, so fast you cant keep up.

PUZZLE BUBBLE

uniform outing is fun. we took photos. i saw charlotte! she couldn't recognise me. lol. of coz. i wasn't in tpjc uniform. hahaha i threw my away and borrowed from melvin instead. lol.

she gave me the weirdest look man.

then was the arcading in marina bay in the middle of the night! i working in the morning la. haha but it was damn fun. i don't know. just going against my normal routine and just have fun. it was fun. i'd never done something so crazy before. oh ya, we went to geylang to eat. ahhhhh it was damn nice la. maybe i was hungry.

o well.

and then i got home at 5 plus. then wake up at 7. i nearly wanted to hide away in dreamland la. haha i was irritated by mum! but yea, it was just morning kinda moody thing when you are damn tired la.

went to work. slept. lol. sat in the car, fell asleep every 5 mins? haha. o well. forgive me sir.

ahhh i like having fun.

and at the back of my head. something keep telling me to study.

STRAWBERRY CHEESECAKE

avril lavigne is hot.

SOME PEOPLE

some people believe in second chances. some people believe that letting go of what was not meant to be would be the best thing to do. some people cry because they are sad. some people laugh because they find it stupid to cry. some people need people around when they are weak. some people likes to be alone because they need to clear their mind. some people think some things are important. some people think nothing can hold them down. some people treasure. some people lost. some people hurt. some people heal. some people learn. some people always make the mistakes. some people always hurt. some people always.

if there were second chances. if there was a time machine. if there is a reason.

i wouldn't have to stay here griefing.

on the things i should have never done.

THE FERMENTATION OF WHEAT

INNER PEACE man. haha bingzhao will know what it means. lol. ah i cleared up almost all the shit that i created! whahahaha and i will continue to clear up the shits that are still around. lol. i'd let them lie around too long. this place's stinking up. whahahha.

bingzhao. i don't want to put up the cutie pie pic. lol. ok i just go add on to the post then can compare the two of us. whahhaha. see who's more disgusting. hahahahahahaha.

i didn't go church yesterday. AHH. okay it's my fault i was lazy. sorry Lord.

BIG CHUNKS OF COOKIES

i'm sorry ben. i'm sorry anavil. i'm sorry max.

finally got through IISS deployment. ughhh. heh thanks so much sherman for switching QRT with me. lol. if not for you i would have been really bored standing at the driveway.

arh shangri la is damn nice la. i'm gonna book a room there one fine day.

bye i'm going to church.

I'M SORRY

even under the clear blue sky
he will never be able to calm
for there's a storm in his heart
that was stirred.

SURVIVING

2nd night. ughh it was better though. lol. all thanks to evelyn who volunteered for deployment last night. haha. ugh tonight she's not deployed. gawd. who's working tonight? hmm..

I CAN BURP MY ABCs

ever since i joined spf, my days simply started numbering itself. i practically stayed awake from one day to another. my body clock is adjusted till i practically sleep anywhere at anytime so that i can stay awake when im ought to be awake.

last night's deployment was a horrid. it's 1138hrs, i'd just reported off 2 hours ago. at 1800hrs, i'll be back in npc. brr.

these are the days.

M.O.S.

M.O.S. is so cool. the ambience and music simply got me in the mood. whahaha. awww but the stupid drink is a glass of coke. no alcohol coz i'm at an underaged party. whatever man. haha! don't ask me 'bout it.

i still like you man. ugh and it's getting on my nerves. haha.

oh Lord, flip the coin for me.

MY GOD :D

finally attended speedlight on sunday. heh was late though but glad that i made it. brother timothy was talking about temptations in the sermon. man was it enlightening. i realised that it's very true when you submit yourself to temptations, you'll slowly move away from God. that's satan's aim; to cut you off from God absolutely.

i'm really blessed that God saved me again. i feel completed!

man i love my God.

"Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me." - John 15:4

THAT BLANK PIECE OF PAPER

you should face yourself, somebody told me, learn to accept the way that you are.

i'd been brooding over this sentence for the past 30 odd hours. pleasantly, i did understand myself a little bit better.

now what you know is the superficial level of your problem, what you need is to go deeper inside. you can't find what you're looking for outside.

the answers are inside of you.

i took out a piece of blank paper and scribbled all my thoughts down. unfortunately, i realised that i was pretty superficial with myself. i couldn't even face myself truthfully.

edison, grow up, somebody else told me, life is not always a bed of roses.

you're seeking your happiness in another person, when will you start caring about the person's happiness?

i cried because i realised how selfish i'd been.

love is never about me, it was you.

i'd been miserable, thinking why life's always against me.

it's just not the right time.

instead of sulking over things i can't change, i should start appreciating and enjoying the life that i'm having;

that's going in my way.

the one thing about myself that i'd always feared to face; to accept not having life going my way.

stupid edison.


"For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." - Jeremiah 29:11

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

fuck it man, just fuck it all. i'm not fucking okay. i am not fucking alright. fuck it man. just fuck it.

STOP

sometimes it's like living a dream which you ought to just direct it a little. take little control of things and move it in your way. life's gonna be great if you just stop pushing yourself so hard. i don't need distractions to keep myself from thinking. i simply stop thinking about it. when on earth do i ever need to be in a relationship to heal my broken heart. i broke this myself, and i shall heal it by myself. do i need someone to fill up my empty days? my days are empty because i want them to be. i want to just laze around doing nothing. it's not because of anyone that i can be happy. i smile and laugh because i feel like it. letting go? there's nothing to let go off because i pick things up and keep them if i want to. i'll put it down when i feel like it. i'm in control and probably you are. sulking, self-pity, distractions. who needs those when you can simply stop it.

yea just stop it all will ya.

I MUST STUDY HARD

my sister told me this yesterday when i was using my comp.

"kor, it's time to get worried."

i looked at her, puzzled.

"my principal started to count down for us."

HAHA.

i must study. i must study. i must study. brrr.

A PAPERCUP THAT'S HALF-FILLED

i am not stranded. but anyhow, i was painfully reminded that i was, yesterday. like a fist clenching my heart when i saw what i saw. when i had to pretend that nothing ever happened. and i had to pretend that it hadn't affected me in any ways, at any times.

no more affection for you, but what is left is the miserable memories of how weak i was. the weakness that love leaves you to be in front of whoever it may be. and for that, i regret.

like dust that i scattered in the winds
like the paper plane that i thrown into the sea.
let us forgive and forget.

YOU

i feel peaceful.
and i like you. o well, but i choose to like you silently from afar.

i like it when you smile.

SINGAPORE AND THE BANGLADESHIS

Do you know that the fact that Singaporeans are very willing to hire Bangladeshis to work in Singapore is actually helping to resolve world poverty and solve Bangladesh's social problems created by poverty?

World poverty can be greatly reduced if the richer countries are willing to have their immigration laws reformed to allow larger numbers of unskilled workers to work in their countries. It would be more effective than other forms of international integration such as trade liberalization.

However, the current climate is not very hospitable to this idea because having more uneducated foreign workers in the country probably means more trouble. The governments will have to fork out more resources to deal with the increased criminal and social problems which are not very favorable to the countries' economic growth.

Therefore, this highlights the importance of the need for the help of international agencies to come up with some programs to provide free education for the children in the poor countries. Through education, literacy rates will improve, social problems and crime rates can be reduced, labor productivity will improve, et cetera.

Education will definitely be the best solution for the poor countries to move out of poverty in the long run.

CUTIE PIE NUMBER 1.

this was a hilarious picture of bing zhao. i removed it long ago because it's... too hilarious. haha.

THE HEARTS THAT BELONG TO SOMEONE ELSE

UPDATE

hey my phone's spoilt. if you think i'm ignoring you. i'm not.

INTELLECTUAL TRESPASSING

Cross disciplinary analysis allows us to take a fuller view on the study of a certain phenomenon. A phenomenon that requires explanation cannot be explained fairly by one perspective. In other words, we cannot use only one discipline to try and explain a phenomenon.

Certainly, different disciplines can bring forth a different perspective for us to take on an unbiased and wholesome look on the selected phenomenon. As we all know, many issues that require our attention are usually subjective to individuals. One example is the issue on beauty. No one can really give a set of notations as to what attributes beauty. Thus, in order to derive a fuller and more accurate definition of beauty, we need to view it from all perspectives (economic, political, social, etc).


"You can't fix a whole puzzle with a thousand pieces of the same piece." - Me

WINGS

he has a clenched fist filled with hopes and dreams.
somebody asked him, what's in there?
he remained silent, his fist clenched.

he came across a waterfall.
the wind whispered in his ears, give it wings.
he remained silent, his fist loosened.

a car dashed past his route to his destination.
he paused, remained silent, his fist loosened.

give it wings, he overheard somebody saying to somebody else.
he remained silent, his fist loosened.

at his destination, he opened his fist.
he let go of his hopes and dreams.
he gave them wings.

give it wings
give it wings.

MONSTER BREED

this is a substitute entry.

SUPERNORMAL PROFIT OF A ROCK STAR

Ever since NAPSTER, the first ever peer-2-peer sharing program that had been created, superstars have suffered great losses in terms of their profits from sales of their recordings.

Undoubtedly, the invention of NAPSTER had started a whole new way of acquiring music and has thus incited many other new inventions to support this uprising trend. Many ripping programs have been created to support the increasing liking of the MP3 format. This has also led to the creation of MP3 players and later on the invention of Apple's iPOD that has successfully become a popular icon gadget itself. Creative's Zen has also been created to carve a niche in the lucrative market for its own.

Laws that supported Intellectual Property Rights have also been laid in attempt to protect the music industry from declining profits. The trend of buying music online has also been started to restore some of the profits lost from piracy.

As for the superstars, they have started to diversify their job scopes to more than just doing recordings. Superstars now do more endorsement deals as another source of income too. However, in recent years, live performances have become one of the most profitable area in which superstars can earn.

Over the years, the entertainment industry has taken more of the form of a market and is now driven by market forces. When the new form of entertainment industry has been established, companies started to push up ticket prices to their own benefits. They found out that the price elasticity of concert tickets is pretty much inelastic. Consumers consider other non-price factors like who is performing and creativity.

Nowadays, live performances are moving in a direction of creativity. Thus, with this increased sophistication of such shows, prices inevitably have to be pushed up.

There will be new modes of music distribution - which means there will be more diversity and competition. However, technological innovations continually cause change. The industry has to change and it is changing.

FREEDOM

We have often blamed society for conforming us to its own set of standards. More often than so, many of us actually fear going against it. Thus, in actual fact, we have locked ourselves in an imaginary cage.

Freedom is self-proclaimed. We hold the power to dictate our own freedom. It is the fear of being prosecuted or condemned that prevented us from declaring our own beliefs.

However, freedom does not empower your with the rights to upset others' beliefs. If your aim of proclaiming freedom is to create another set of standards for others to follow, then you are no better than society.

Conformity is a choice. Freedom is not granted, it is inside of you.

BREAKING THE AGE TABOO

Is beauty only represented by youth? This is the question that is worth our time to ponder over. Have you ever seen an old lady somewhere and you just had to turn over and take a second look at her? It might be that she is someone you have seen on television or it might just be because she is beautiful.

Being beautiful is not just about having flawless skin or slender curves. Instead, having the right attitude and impressing people with your charisma when you speak with self-confidence and convictions. These are what it takes to make you beautiful.

If you happen to be one of those that worries about growing old and wrinkly or thinks that plastic surgery can make you look more beautiful, please think again. Worrying makes you grow older faster and plastic surgery only makes you look more plastic. Stop seeking plastic surgery as a solution to your fears. The best way out is to age gracefully.

Remember that your attitude defines you, not your looks.

MOTHS

there are moments of extreme sadness in life; there are days filled with insane encounters; there are months of depression; simply because we'd lost control of our lives. the thought of losing; the sense of insecurity; the symptons of menopause;

is this really you?

the struggle for power; the need to manipulate; the urgency; these simply amplifies the madness. these are exactly the moments that you should just lose yourself.

be the fire, not the moth.

RANDOM

i'm dreaming a lot lately.
last night, i dreamt of an indian.

GOING AGAINST

sometimes it scares me
just how accurate your words can be

let how you predicted
that my toe will turn black.

sometimes disbelief
it's a way to be ignorant

a method to disregard
the important issues

like you walk in the opposite direction of the wind
so your hair won't end up messy.

or you look in the mirror
in the angle that you look best.

it's just scary
how history repeats.

like you know your heart's racing
but you pretend you don't feel it.

you trash your hearing with songs
but it doesn't seem to rhyme with your feelings.

you're lying to yourself
the same way you did to them.

because you're scared to know the truth.
so you pretend you don't know it.

like going against the wind,
sometimes having messy hair

may be the best hair style you can get
on that windy afternoon.

LINDERFAIRE

ginger and michael grew up together in a small town called linderfaire. ginger came from an average family, leading an average life. as for michael, he came from a religious family. his family is very spiritual. he grew up wanting to become a priest.

throughout the years, ginger was michael's best friend. someone who stood by him everytime he needed somebody. however, to ginger, michael remained a special someone deep inside her heart.

she loved him.

it was a rainy morning when ginger broke the news to michael.

i'm getting married tomorrow, she said.

michael felt a sting in his heart.

how long have you known him, he asked.

15 weeks, she replied.

15 weeks and you know he is the one for you, he exclaimed.

yes 15 weeks and i know he is the one for me, she replied and boarded the bus.

michael's heart torned.

he was a priest. he was forbidden to marry a woman by his religion and by the society. he was a priest and he had standards to meet.

he loved her but he couldn't tell her so.

michael presented himself at ginger's wedding. he watched as she submitted her life to the other man. michael struggled to breathe.

from then on, he told himself, i devote myself to my religion.

the next morning, michael received a letter informing him that ginger was dead.

he ran to her house.

there she lay in the garden of roses. a letter beside her, dedicated to michael.

she couldn't marry a man she don't love.
ironically, she couldn't marry the man she love.
death was her solace.

michael killed himself that very night.

SPEAK IN ALISH PLEASE

individualists are a common sight nowadays. ironically, they can be classified as beings routed in the system of egocentricity. it's sickening to speak to intelligent people. they have this reflective ability to prevent their intrinsic character from being contaminated by alien particles.

yes i'm an alien. i speak Alish. apparantly it's a very profound language that many have not yet acquire; not even the basic understanding as to what Alish actually portrays.

i compare people a lot. i analyse people by assuming them as equations. apparantly, people are flow equations. they do not assume the same coefficients all at the same time. in fact, the probability of them assuming the same value can be rounded to zero.

i'm a bothersome person. my friends thinks i'm irritating being a bothersome being. they'd rather i pretended to be ignorant, which i do at times because i just don't bother to bother some people. i'm not a friendly person, mind you.

since we've been cultivated to be doubtful of everything, the acceptance of concepts become a challenge. ignorant people refuses to accept intelligent concepts because they're stupid; because they think intelligent concepts are way too confusing to be accurate.

sometimes we have to admit we're only people and there is only so much we can do for others. it's impossible to make a pig understand Alish because pigs snort; you don't. it's impossible to make a ugly woman admit that she's ugly when her impression of perfect beauty is what her face depicts. who knows, your face may be the exact representation of idiocy to her.

people are different. yellow is yellow to you, but red to him in your context. (red is red to him, but yellow to you in his context.) which language are you using when you speak to your parents? do you know how to speak parento?

when you speak to protect yourself when people criticise you, in my context, you have refused to truly understand yourself. everyone notices you differently. you can't fit the whole picture with 1000 pieces of the same piece.

i speak Alish.

unless you do, this entry will confuse you.

OH HEARTACHE

oh heartache
like a flu that hits any time.

a wounded child
oh it takes time, it takes time.

a critter wandering
lost in the fields of green.

where are you my dear
i can't find you in my heart.

have you lost your way?
i seem to have been lost these days.

i'm sorry i'd let you down,
but i can't even find myself.

oh dear
it hurts so much, there're tears in my eyes.

have you found another spring?
have you forgotten me, my love?

angels, angels
please give me wings

my love is lost
she can't find her way.

angels, angels
please carry me.

my darling told me
she will wait for me.

like the gold in the sands
she'd lost her way.

and i can't get her back.
can't bring her back to me.

oh heartache.
leave me

let me be, let me be.
a critter in the fields of green.

a wounded child.
the gold in the sands.

oh heartache.
let me be, let me be.

SYMBOLS

whiteskyblue is a symbol. a representation of a particular stand at a particular point in time. it does not represent the same stand all the time.

it depicts the opaque stand in life.

the rational is simply to view life from the other perspective and be appreciative of what we have now.

we have to be aware that not all that is happening is what it seems to be.

what we have been taught or heard might be wrong.

how right can something be if it was presented to you from a biased source?

it might only be right if you see it for yourself.

take a look at the alternate perspective.

[visit http://whiteskyblue.blogspot.com results guaranteed]

PHOTOGRAPHS

he took a little photograph of you
while you were walking down the alley

all alone around half past ten.
there you lay, so peacefully in bed

while he stood half naked outside your window
thinking of making sweet love to you.

he took that pair of scissors
that was on your table for so many days

your clothes are gone,
he stole one of your velvet black underwear.

he framed up the photograph of you
and hung it in the middle of his empty living room

he cut your velvet black underwear
and used it for his plates and forks and spoons.

there he hid right inside your cupboard, waiting.
he is still waiting for you.

you see your house door ajar, your table light on.
there's a little photograph of you on the floor.

a pair of scissors from your table,
a torn black velvet underwear.

hush.

he's listening to your breathing
as your chest sank and rose.

tonight is your fateful beginning,
to your deepest secrets and fears.

you are his lamb.
he is not the wolf.

he holds a knife
and a big round stone.

your heart.

he'll steal from you.

MASKS

politicians use lies
to conceit the truth.

poets, writers use lies
to reveal the truth.

people, we chose to live
behind the mask

for we fear there'll be
no acceptance of whom

you, we really are.

people, we hope
for the day of freedom

when we can be independent
and free to be who

you, we really are.

sadly, regretably
society, it disregards us

people, we cannot be free
until the day

you, we free ourselves.

discard the mask,
for what lies beneath the flesh

is what really matters.

the burns, scars, scratches
are nothing more

than marks of societal cruelty.

open your mind and heart
to another level

in this universe.

for the world is expansive
some place, it belongs

to you and me.

where people,
we love each other as one

without the masks,
we love each other

as one.

RANDOM

i'm happy. haha.

ARE YOU TRYING HARD ENOUGH?

trying hard?

please try harder then, for there's no limit to how much effort you can put into the things you're striving for. for if you think you're giving alot, there's always someone out there giving even more.

thinking you're the best?

just stop this willful thought my friend. you may be the best right now, but someone out there is working even harder than you. you may be the best right now. a few more seconds. somebody else will overtake you without you knowing.

let you rest a moment?

heard of the story of the race between the rabbit and tortise. while you rest that single moment, the weaker one challenging you kept on moving. while you rest your tired soul under that big shady tree, the weaker one challenging you is moving on in the harsh burning sun, sweating off like a pig.

but when you open your eyes and take a look at the setting sun. you'll realise. yea it's too late. you'd lost the race.

when you'd stop in your steps, sadly the world's still revolving. somebody out there is still trying hard. and sadly, there is more than just one somebody out there, trying harder than you.

trying hard?

heh.

try harder.

HELP.

i'm lost.

can somebody show me the way?

thanks.

BUSYNESS.

you must have been wondering what's with the explicity of the smirking angel and the fallen maiden. in fact, you must be wondering what the fuck is going on in my head. (:

the need to relieve conformity. the need to feel different. these are the more probable reasons that fuel my attraction for life and death. the sense of vulnerability in this world; the lack of convictions in my belief that once tied me to the reins of reality.

the feel of being afloat, the uncomfortable thought of not resting my feet on the ground. i feel weird flying; i'm not used to it.

i'm contemplating on changing my ill habit of procrastination. what the hell, i know. recently, i've been addicted to the television magic. it's a wrongful act that i can't refrain commiting.

wake up my ideas, this phrase that i'd learnt from tracom. why am i so unproductive recently? i should get busy; really busy or i'm not gonna be okay for the rest of my life!

busyness.

yea,

it's my business.

YOU BELONG TO ME.

the saccharine taste of your blood
the warmth that keeps me alive
as you lay here quietly in my arms

your face pale like fresh pearls from sea
i held your hand in mine
our physical bodies moulded together as one

the beauty of tragedy as our souls interwined
in the sweetness of entanglement of our fates
you belong to me, you belong to me

your reluctance to submit to my love
your rejection upon my obsession on you
i fear for you my love

for the world no longer hold its place for you
you belong to me, you belong to me

in the dark where you seek solace
in the light where you tried to hide
from the harsh fact of pain and misery

look into your windows into your soul
through the mirror upon the pale blue sky

you life that flows in me
your soul that i saved from hell

the mark of your destiny
you belong to me, you belong to me.

FOOLED/

the persistence of the colored ray of light that penetrates the immensity of the beautiful white clouds. it distorted its center of balance, twisting it into a spiraled mess of cotton-

fooled/can't be understood easily or explained plainly in words. an immaculate scent that was dispersed into the air, filthy being at the top of the pryamid. simply spoils the pretty structure of stability and nobility.

at the top of the middle of a list of listed groceries, it filths the waters that was once left pure'd. such atrocities committed by filthy beings. no amount can clean off the filth. pitiful fuck.

step on him/

FOR LOVE.

sometimes i wonder about why i'd never been able to let go of the very persons that were once my very own love. i still hold on to them, never did i quite let them go. i keep the memories of love deep inside my heart. i held the smiles we had, the pains we suffered, all intact.

it pains me to witness how persons who were once my love. who once meant the world to me, were the ones that left me alone. how the persons that whispered i love yous in my ear, the persons that embraced me for who i am, the persons who made sense to my life. they become the very people that made life senseless, that makes me hopeless and dejected.

how i still wonder why i hold them close to me, like diamonds and pearls, my cherished belongings. i loved them, ironically, love never dies. it's frozen, hidden away somewhere deep inside. for if it came alive, i will once again feel the pain that made me cry, that reminds me that i don't make sense without you by my side.

yet, these are the persons that made me believe in love. that kept me believing, for someday, the one will come. in forms i may not know of. in ways i may not long for. but true love will come. and i will make sense, once again.

today, i shall let the persons that were once the world to me; i shall let them go. on this day before my next valentine, i shall let these pieces of dreams that once gave me life; i shall give them all away.

for love,


i shall breathe again.

ARE YOU ONE OF THEM?

conforming to society is the conformity of self destruction. damn it. what the fuck is wrong with being different?! fuck it. differing from the norm is what makes you who you are? it is that difference from the norm that makes you attractive, seductive... ugh. can you even notice what nonsense society is preaching as the norms. whatever shit.

why follow the comfortable road that society provides? can't you see that the greatest risk in life is not to risk at all?! omg. being satisfied with your current performance is fucking stupid! you are such a lazy ass who don't want to work harder to improve!

do you think you're good enough?

fuck youu understand.

you'll just die in crumps underneath society's torn rag brutally hidden away like useless dust that contaminates the air that society breathes in. gawd damnn it. this is just so nonsensical.

I CANNOT TAKE IT.

contradictions. fucking contradictions people ignore and refused to admit. what exactly is so attractive about being conformative with the fucking society?!

somebody save those stupid people from their misery please. let them see the fucking light as to how stupid they actually are by conforming to what society thinks is awesome and righteous. gawd.

how lame can it become?

ugh. i hate society. i hate those that support society. those lame shits. those unworthy fuckers. those nonsensesss they preach.

fuck youuu unorthodox society puppets!

no one should pity you for not having the chance to become a real boy! someone who can truly experience orgasms and don't have to fake them. you faker!

despicable conformist.

are you one of them?

BURN.

it's weird when all of a sudden, you lost track of what you're fighting for. a sudden emptiness that crowded your whole being, like you're being swallowed into nothingness.

a piece of black velvet covering your eyes, you strained to see the path in front. you struggled but it tightens. you gave in, and lost sight.

you feel like you're stranded on a spot, no matter where you move. you ended up where you began. and you give up trying, you give up hoping. you accept the things the way they are. the way they're supposed to be.

people are pushing you, dragging you, instigating you, daring you, provoking you. irritated, you are... but you remained calm, on the outside of course, while you raged with hatred inside. but you try, containing.

containing what's inside of you.

silence, be quiet.
the sheer utter of your breath cuts.

silence, behold.
you will burn.

yes

you will be burnt,


in hell.

HATER OF TIME.

he dread the coming of tomorrow
for he's fearing what might be there.

he's stuck in the present,
wishing somebody would erase

the tainted history,
behind him.

he feels too weak to proceed
he's too proud to retreat.

stuck inbetween,
such predicament.

dying seems to easy,
life has no meaning

he's afraid of what's coming,
hiding beneath his flesh

unnoticed by the devils,
heavens and earths.

a streak of light,
forcing through the densely formed clouds

they were darkened,
for his faith had been weakened.

a hand,
something to hold on to

a longing for a home,
for a belonging.

somewhere,
he can never find.

he fears tomorrows,
hates yesterdays,

dying to change the presents.
a hater of time.

(waiting for...)

a belonging,
an identity.

somebody,
someone.

you.

SOMEBODY ELSE'S DREAM.

he was thinking about
the girl he loved.

the way she laughed
when he teased her.

her beautiful smile,
when he kissed her

how he wished
she was his

so much he had hoped
that she belonged to him.

but the boy,
he was her friend

a companion,
in distress.

someone who comforted,
when she needed somebody.

the boy was crying,
here in front of me

i smirked,
it was au natural.

she's somebody else's
belonging.

you'll always
be living in,

...that somebody else's dream.

...LET'S JUST PRETEND.

the illustration,
an ordinary day.

a sense of dejection
the fear of losing a battle.

the jilting,
mocking

a burning anger,
thou reveal not

the jester,
he struck a knife

through his chest,
unto his hart

kill him,
my lord.

for i will do so,
if not.

an ordinary day,
a fucking one

let there be rain,
no


...let's just pretend.

RUNAWAY.

the train, it moves.
on the pathed out tracks.

along the cities, towns.
women and men,

who chose to leave.
they boarded the train,

moved along,
avoiding.

however, did they know
about the turn about

about, life's
u-turns

there, they met
what they avoided.

for what they avoided,
had the same in mind.

liked minds, they clicked
for that moment,

it doesn't last.
for the fickle minded

they remained,
it'll be a beautiful day,

no it won't be,
ah.

too lazy,
to go.

runaway,

too lazy to.

BUMBLEMEN & BUMBLEWOMEN.

have you ever imagined how it will be like in year 2050? like how our homes will become? probably just like the movies, we'll all be living in cells that stacks up so high it looks like a beehive. ooo. probably we'll be working our lives away just like the bumble bees. maybe till then, those in the managerial level will call those workers bumblemen and bumblewomen. whaha.

so cute..

anyway, i'd went to this shop in cineleisure. i forgot the name but it's an apple shop. you know? the shop that sells apple stuffs? yupz apple mac. not apple fruit. omg i gotta tell you that it freaks me out!

why? huh is there a need to ask that? it's freaking 2050 can. it's so white inside. -.- apparantly white is the sleekiest color in year 2050. everybody in 'the island' wear white what. know why? haha. coz white is the sleekiest color in year 2050!

duh.

yes the shop is pretty. everything is so neat, so meticulously placed in its own position. i bet the stuffs inside have markings to state where it should be placed in the shop. gawd. what's with neatness and the future?!

anyway, apple mac is cool lar. the interface is so stylish. i must get one can. it's like a must lor coz it's so stylo-milo-kopi-o-mac-donald-had-some-fun... it's just the stuffs you must get in year 2006 coz by year 2050 everybody else will be having it already. so in the end,

what's the point?

ah there is an i-cafe in the shop too. haha. it looks like a cafe for robots. yea. it gives me a feeling that they serve hot oil with sugar and crunchy steel with butter and kaya. omg. can you imagine drinking diesel for breadfast? you can? omg.. i bet you lubricate yourself with petroleum right?!

you sicko.

factually, by year 2050 i will be like around 60? so i don't care about having no trees along the walkway or parks for me to walk my dog. coz i'll be dead soon anyway. or maybe by then cloning is like a trend? maybe i'll go clone myself so i can be immortal! whaha! right.. then i can always be young~! woohoo. no need for awful plastic surgeries or painful botox injection!

aww...

back to 2006... i just can't wait to ord THIS YEAR can.

oh ya!

pity those ord-ing in year 2007.

bash me if you can whahahahah!

THE ART OF WRITING.

writing from the heart is truly the art of writing.

well played.

FERMENTED TOFU.

life's like a fermented piece of tofu. the uglier it smells, well.. the better it tastes. haha lame shit. i'm just trying to urge you not to bathe everyday. your skin will rot. whaha.

whatever.

anyway, tofu's nice. especially when you serve it cold with seaweed and japanese soya sauce. lol. i don't know the japanese name so shut up and stop laughing.

ugh i need to adjust my new schedule. i'm a freaking busy cow can. the farmer's so persistent on us meeting the target of 2 litres of fresh milk per day. which fat cow can produce so much milk in one day, you tell me?

haha. actually i don't know anything about cows. i'm just crapping but.. you can tell me something about cows kae? ugh nonsense.

i can't blogg today.

bye.

THINK ABOUT IT.

to truly appreciate an art. you have to be open hearted towards it with an unbiased mindset. as you go with it for a period of time, never once trying to fit it to your own set of beliefs, you'll see the true color of the art.

however, many of us have been deluded for so long. throughout our lives, we've been told by many about this and that until a point in time when we can no longer think of something for ourselves.

so now i ask you, how can we ever appreciate something when we've already decided what it is even before knowing it?

gg.