rain on me
Saturday, June 14, 2008 | 5:56 PM

THE TIMES WHEN WE REMEMBERED VIVIDLY.

complacency, we all sin
but how many times we see

our lives, they pass us by.
so painful, yet powerless to contain

these moments that leave us
empty inside.

sometimes, we wish we can
turn back, these lost times

but how many times can we
wrong ourselves?

it is now, maybe never
we own ourselves.

but after we owned,
then who

who do we belong to?

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Friday, April 18, 2008 | 6:23 AM

POCKETFUL OF SUNSHINE

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i got a pocket, got a pocketful of sunshine. do what you want, but you're never gonna break me. the sun is on my side. i smile up to the sky. i know i'll be all right.

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Friday, February 15, 2008 | 3:18 PM

CHANGE

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invariably has been what people get used to.

people get scared when there's changes, because they love their comfort zones. but maybe we ought to give change a chance to prove, it is more than a double-edge sword. maybe. change can bring us further,

nearer to our dreams.

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Friday, October 19, 2007 | 1:23 AM

THE PAUSE INBETWEEN RACES

a moment is all it takes for us to take the right step. life passes in a progression and regression pattern. it's an endless pursuit of a greener pasture (referring to one's character in this context). though there are times when we degrade, it does not necessarily mean the next is not an advancement.

we get lost in the midst of the race through life. we let opportunities pass. many times we forget to remind ourselves that this is what we have challenged ourselves to. our priorities are in a mess, time never seem to be on the right pace.

we pity ourselves saying life is bad.

maybe it's just the way we are, always forgetting to appreciate the downside of living. without landslides, who will ever appreciate the greatness of the big trees?

life is like running on a tread mill. you decide what you are training for and you dictate the speed and distance. there might be times when you have to stop running, it does not mean you will never get to run again. sometimes, when life forces you to stop,

it is probably because you need a rest.

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Sunday, October 07, 2007 | 7:41 PM

BREAKING THE MOULD

be the man that forgives
or suffer in silence.

the good is never easy,
for the bad tempts.

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Tuesday, October 02, 2007 | 12:05 PM

THEY TALKED ABOUT WILD FLOWERS AND HERBS

we distinctively identified the issues raised. unanimously we agreed on the idea of mythological healing. we ascertained that some wonders in the world cannot be explained by science.

the sky lighting up in a luminous glow of green, the leaves turning red in autumn, the birds migrate to the south...

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Saturday, September 15, 2007 | 10:35 AM

LITTLE BOY

the little boy silently prayed by his bedside
he asked for a little time... he wants to see the sunrise.

awkwardly he moved to the windows,
orange rays were lighting up the dark sky.

his eyes were teary, his heart weary.
but he smiled to a brand new day...

people always think, "why life isn't fair?"
but half the time, they are unaware.

if you were to trade something in your life
for something that was out of it,

will you really be happier?

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Friday, August 24, 2007 | 3:02 AM

WHEN YOU LOVE THAT GIRL SO MUCH

when you love a girl, you'll always overlook the many things that she did that go way beyond what you believe in. well, even when you feel like shit, you will still hold her hand (because you really want to) and walk with her on this journey.

now you know, it isn't love when you expect her to be someone you want her to be. certainly, you love her not because she's perfect.

she may be a riot but she's perfect, because you love her.

love doesn't require you to kill yourself or sacrifice any beliefs that you hold onto dearly. all you need is to open up your heart (and mind) and see who she really is, and love her completely for who she is.

may it be a pimple on her forehead or a habit to bite her nails everytime she's nervous.

you love her for everything that she is.

and that is..

love.

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Wednesday, July 25, 2007 | 3:51 AM

STILL

i'm waiting for time to show us what true love really means.

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Tuesday, July 24, 2007 | 2:53 AM

WAIT OUT

you don't know how it feels like
to walk down this street alone.

everywhere i turn, all the memories of you
every song i hear, every movement that i witness

i miss you, i still remember.

you don't know how it feels like
to be doing this alone.

how i have to carry on this
without you by my side.

love keeps us warm,
but i'm cold right now.

you don't know how it feels like
to love somebody so much

they become your life.
and you have to move away

from this harsh reality
that knocked you up.

you don't know how it feels like
when all i can do is wait

wait out this cold.

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Friday, July 20, 2007 | 10:22 PM

WHEN YOU LOSE YOUR WAY, THAT'S WHEN YOU FIND YOURSELF

i don't really know how long has it been, but i know i've finally found an end to this futile struggle. we all go through this phase, don't we? forsakened by someone you loved. but we all move on and yeah, our hearts heal eventually.

life's much better now, ever since you're gone. i stopped worrying for you, stopped having to protect and look after you. like you said, i'm not matured enough for you. guess you're right. i'm still young and there is so much for me to see and do. i can't be hanging around you like this. it all came to an end last night.

i've started thinking for myself now. there's so much i've neglected all these time while i was so caught up in you. well, like the sugababes' song, "i'm too lost in you." i guess losing you ironically, made me find myself again.

i feel, in such a long time, for myself.

i know i loved you truly, i gave you my everything. i hope you'll always remember this. now, i shall leave all these pieces behind and get going with my life. though this chapter has ended.


my life has actually just begun.

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Saturday, July 14, 2007 | 6:50 PM

BE STILL

a brand new start is all we need to mend these hearts back to the beginning. be still, let it go. you don't have to be brave. every time we fall, we are falling from grace. i'll gladly climb your walls if you'll meet me halfway.

here's my hand and my heart. it's yours to take.

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Friday, July 06, 2007 | 1:02 AM

WE ALL PON SCHOOL

the first day of school

sharlene: edison, sheryl said she's not coming to school.
edison: why? i thought she said she won't pon liao.
sharlene: she said she fainted in the bus. hahaha.
edison: hahahaha omg.

the $%^& day of school

sharlene: edison, lay said he's not coming to school.
edison: why? he fainted too?
sharlene: no, he said his flesh is missing. haha.
edison: hahahaha. omg.

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the %^&* day in school

sharlene: edison, sheryl is not coming to school today.
edison: huh? why? she fainted again?
sharlene: no. she said her ceiling fell.

omg.

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Saturday, June 23, 2007 | 12:32 PM

FAMILY

i never quite understood why we always leave the most important people behind.

right now at this moment, i just remembered.

how much i love them.

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| 3:26 AM

THE CIRCULAR MOVEMENT THAT CAUSES HEADACHE

sometimes you twirl round in circles and you thought for once, you're headed towards somewhere. you wake up standing at the same spot, twirling round in circles all over again.

i guess it sucks big time, trapped in this vicious cycle.

my head feels so heavy like i'm filled with thoughts that i cannot empty. like they are a burden i have to carry on everyday, it gets so tiring. i feel like crying, damn, like a child who just doesn't know why he has to go through the pain he's feeling now.

maybe that's why, i'm feeling so down once again.

i don't understand much about things, seriously, i thought i did. i'm so affected by what the world expects of me. i think i can't breathe because i'm so expecting myself of trying to be someone else.

life's hard because i can't live it casually.

a moment of truth just strucked my head and i woke up, feeling foolish. like i have been running in a race that i never could win. a forceful blow into my face, telling me.

edison, wake up.

because in the end, it doesn't even matter.

i don't really care what happens but i'm still hoping for the perfect scenerio that life can give. i want to never wake up to the cruelty of this reality and remain silent in this delusion.

sucks, someone's gonna scold me again.

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Friday, June 01, 2007 | 10:42 PM

THE GREY SKIES

i stand in amidst the people, looking at their familiar faces.
my heart's aching, i see them weeping silently.

the sky was grey; he told us not to walk on the road without our shoes.
he made it rain today, so we won't have to walk on the tar painfully.

a good man, he was. a legacy he left behind for everyone.
we can remember the times when he joked, teased the little ones.

the times when everyone will come, every weekend.
those were the things he treasured. family ties.

he'll always be remembered.
a good man, he was.

the legacy he left behind.

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Friday, May 18, 2007 | 8:47 PM

THE PERFECT PEOPLE IN THE WORLD

people aren't perfect, but that doesn't stop us from striving to be right? i guess i'm one of those people who is constantly trying to be better. however, i guess i am also one of those that steers away from the disciplined route and deviate away from my main course.

i often feel tortured by my own sins. i guess it's a knot that i have to learn, and must, admit that i have to undo it someday. it's hard because you're moving away from your comfort zone. i like the way things are now, but part of me knows that i desire for challenges.

i want to be better. i want to do better than what i am doing now. the aims, the goals i'd set for myself, i want to achieve them by my hard work and perserverance.

i guess living without a purpose is hard. sometimes, it's so stagnant you feel as if you were dead. maybe all these goals and aims that i'd set ought to be superficial distractions that stop me from feeling dead. sadly, i know, i am very different from your average edison out there.

sometimes i feel like an alien stucked here where i don't belong. maybe it's a curse for me to see things in a deviated perspective. a perception that very few can understand.

i know what i'm doing and i know how to stop it. but somehow, circumstances challenges you to your limit. and when you crossed it, you really proceed on to the next level.

i guess i've come a very long way. i had been bad, in fact, so bad i hated myself. i guess you could really classify me as an emo kid back then.

well, i do hope that i can enhance my strengths and build on my weaknesses.

i'm striving to be perfect.

i know by the time that i'm dead, i will still not be perfect.

however so, at least, i am so much closer than if i didn't do anything at all.

what a perfectionist!

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Monday, April 30, 2007 | 8:02 PM

THE THINGS THAT OUGHT TO BE, THAT FAILED TO MAKE US SEE

finally, a direction
a destination in sight.

it's not by coincidents or chances that choices are made
it's by you who holds the future to your destiny.

internal locus of control, such profound phrase
i guess this is what i have been searching for.
the control to who i am to be
the person i ought to be.

life is not very much about the length,
but pretty much about its breadth.
sometimes, we worry too much about what's gonna happen
whether what ought to happen, will it eventually be

the process of living is tiring
when all you think of is the destination
because it is still so faraway,
you're cheating yourself trying to get there so soon.
you're missing out the "living"
when you are busy getting there.

we often sulk about the things that we don't get
often envy those who possess what we want,
it's because we always chase after the things
that we long for, that our hearts desire
that we neglecte the things that we need
and that we've already gotten
the things that are there for us
that we've always taken for granted.

before we blame life for not giving us
the basics of living
we should really look around us
and thank life for giving the things


that we've already gotten.

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Sunday, April 08, 2007 | 12:20 AM

KEEP MOVING FORWARD.

we should all take failures with pride in our strides. we should all celebrate the wonderful failures that may one day become successes. people learn from their mistakes and from then on become better people. we pretty much learn nothing from successes, don't you think?

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Monday, April 02, 2007 | 2:17 PM

HEROES.

there was a time when we all believed in heroes. the time when we stared up at the skies dreaming of having superpowers. i wished that i had angel's wings so i could fly amongst the clouds into the blue.

i dreamt that i flew past new york city staring down at the endless flow of cars that resembled marching ants from my perspective. people so tiny you can barely see them moving. the mountains so peaceful. the fields so green, sparkling like gold in the setting sun.

if there was a chance, a possiblity of us possessing a kind of power.

what would yours be?

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Saturday, March 31, 2007 | 4:17 AM

RETRIEVE.

i'm feeling the need to grow up again. it's like i've been restraining my thoughts by flooding my daily routines with wholesome plays. i guess i've reached my saturation point. again.

all good things have to come to an end. the ignorance act doesn't work anymore, for now.

school's starting real soon. it is a turning point for me since i'd not been a very good student in college. heh. i'm kinda anticipating the homework, projects and exams.

i guess i'm kinda lost for a while. it took quite a few incidents to wake me up. well, guess it's time to pick up the pieces.

i wanna be good.

seriously.

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Friday, March 23, 2007 | 1:26 PM

TAKE HIM.

for you i will.

as we all looked into the skies that are blued ever so beautifully by the reflection of the seas that covered earth mostly, i can't help but wonder if there will be a silver lining behind this already-so-bright scenery.

i wish for a miracle.

sometimes we stare into the mirror for hours, looking at the person looking back at you. sometimes i realised, i don't know him at all. he looks so familiar, yet i never felt close to him. he's a distant reflection of the reflection of my true self. i no longer remember who he is.

he needs to leave.

i wish i could stab myself in the heart, bleed, and die. yes it's emo. no, i'm not acting. it's just that we all reach a point in life when you are so choked, you can't breathe. no, you can't step back and take a breather. i'm standing in the middle of a future of poison and a retreat of death.

somebody, take me away.

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Tuesday, March 13, 2007 | 12:06 AM

TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN

no one can take you away from me.

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Thursday, March 08, 2007 | 7:48 PM

MY GIRLFRIEND

it's a winning streak,
a moment of victory that boosted his ego
he's a singular past tense of a plural future

maybe lessons ought to be learnt
what is the rightfully wrong thing that life brought us?
the benefit of the doubts.

a crystal clear view of the insatiable crave
for the only reason to believe
that one is in love because he ought to be.

the crusts that fell onto the ground
one would not noticed unless you're stringent
enough to not leave anything out.

a thrust into the chest
left the heart dead,
i guess no amount of revival potion
can revive this

leave it all behind

yeah, i want your girlfriend.

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Tuesday, March 06, 2007 | 2:21 AM

PURSUIT

it's as if i'm trying to reach into this abyss of endless darkness
in search of your heart.

sometimes in the dead silence of the night
when i lie alone in bed,
i think about us
the past, the present, the future.

i guess it is a time like this
when i retreat into the hollow pretense
of truth, hoping to see through something
i wish not to see

how far will you go with me?

i know you love me,
but why can't this facade of mine
that i put up for you be placed down

again and again,
my heart is broken.

and you don't know what it really means
to be me.

it's not the importance of the certain things
that happened or never did,
it is the symbolic meaning of every single one of them

we all speak of scars being the very existence
of why we avoid the obvious
and yet, so many a time
how many of us did take the risk
again and again.

it may be a mere heartbreak,
or simply a broken promise.

but the adverse, disastrous beginning
begins again and again.

when will we learn?

i guess, we never will.

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Thursday, February 08, 2007 | 7:11 PM

PROPAGATION

if there was a way to show how much you mean to me
it's probably so complicated, it's impossible to comprehend
however so, deep in my heart, you're so important, i think
i'll probably die if i were to leave you.

the crack in the mirror wasn't an incidental issue
rather, it is a significant one that reminds us of one another

so many people entered and leave our lives
opportunities were taken, but that don't promise an end
likewise we all fall, there are times when these are crucial
for without a loss, there will never be a treasured gain.

in possession of an item, only forces one to lose control
for an item can never be yours, someone can take it away
but if you belong to the item, there is the difference
for it's you it longs for, it's you it'll stay.

everyone wishes that sadness was temporary
they cry because happiness is period
you've got an inch, but you're asking for a mile

there will never be something that truly emplifies your truth
for the truth doesn't stay true, at least, not for long.

irony that rules, contradictions that survived
the improper behavior is what truly last
something that no one can ever propagate right.

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Monday, January 22, 2007 | 9:19 PM

SOLITAIRE

like a song without words, the melody was played in my head
i wonder if you'd ever noticed when i was hearing it
sometimes when you looked into my eyes, i wonder
if you could really see the sparkle of hope in them.

we all have cried for all kinds of reasons
i think i'd cried because of the foolish ones
but right here in my heart, i still think of you
and i will stare up at the sky thinking
if you were thinking of me too.

i love you, spoken probably a millionth time.
but i still mean it. every single word in it.
and if there was chances like those that happened in fairytales
i hope it will always happen to us, right here in reality.

like faith that we hold on to, desperately clinging on us for life.
we cling on to faith as though it was our beacon of light.
symbolic existence between love and hate,
is one that always awed the people who never understands.

a quiet breath you exhaled into my neck
a gentle caress of your hands on my face.
the sweet kiss you give me on my forehead,
the way you hugged me like i was going away.

the sweet words that bind us

will always stay.

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Thursday, December 28, 2006 | 4:42 PM

WITH YOU

the rain hadn't stopped since last few days.
dark clouds hang low, decorating the grey skies.
my heart is somewhere faraway. i think my heart is with you.

oh where have my love gone to?
leaving me cold and deserted in this drenched solitude.
my skin stings to the sense of touch.
flakes of ice frozen within my lashes, handicapping my ability to see.

is this a delusion that i manipulated upon my troublesome soul?
where is the love you promised to give?
the truth that cuts through your facade.

here i lay in the cradle of death, waiting.
a black humour someone played on me.
you lost your sense of humour, while i laughed myself into nothingness.

when the rain stops, you will be back.
where am i?
i wonder to myself.
dark clouds hang low.
zeroing the chance to see the silver lining.

where is my heart?

i think.

it's with you.

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Monday, November 06, 2006 | 5:52 PM

THEY CALL IT A SOLITUDE BLISS

there are some things in life that we just can't seem to figure out. like why the lush roses have thorns and why pigs don't fly. most of the time we stare at the sky and wonder what exactly is the actual color of it. the sky is dark most of the time, but why aren't the stars shining as vividly as before when the cities were still quiet. we wish for the simplest thing in life but how many of them actually come true. the only reason why we live on is because we're still waiting for our wish to be liven.

in my world, roses don't have thorns and pigs fly. that's all because of you.

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Saturday, November 04, 2006 | 4:49 PM

MY SAVIOUR

like a silent sorrow that creeps in the dark. i am haunted by what we all known as guilt. it attacks your conscience, makes you feel vulnerable to justice. you plead for forgiveness, but you receive null.

a thousand words that pierced your heart as your ego is smashed. like a crystal mug that was filled with the water of life. they sink into the sands, never having a second chance to return.

there are times when you pray for someone to heal your broken heart, however long you wait, they never seem to be there.

maybe you're cursed like what they had said about you. life for you is a punishment, you live to repent.

if there is a way out, death might be the only. however hard you try, something saves you. you'll never get out of this.

when all you wish for is for a savior who would take all these pain away. at the end of the day, you cry in the night alone because,

the savior you wish for will never come.

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Wednesday, October 11, 2006 | 9:25 AM

THE DAY HAS FINALLY ARRIVED

ORD LOH

it's amazing how time seriously flies. it felt like yesterday when i enlisted. haha crap. it's been a fuckin' long time alright whaha. ns is boring shit. hahahaha.

but all thanks to all my basic training squadmates like matthew, gerald. npco squadmates like seng khng, johnson, kian siang. team c collegues like everybody in the team esp iskandar who taught me the reins of being an npco in pasir ris, fadli and nazrul for looking out for me.

thank God for letting me cross the paths of these awesome people. of coz, life still goes on. and crap, it's time to grow up. haha.

a levels coming up and i'll make sure i work out something 'bout it. winsty's right, i hear ya bro. i'm making sure i don't waste time anymore. time's too precious to waste. and it's really time i start treasuring what i've always took for granted.

i wanna say a big thank you to fel, my ultimate best friend, whom i think is the only one in this world who knows me inside out. i love you girl. i really can't live without you. ahhahaha.

to all my brothers whom had made my life complete. heh i'll make sure i treat all of you better from now on. love you loads bros.

to all that cares to read my blog. thanks for always being here with me through my darkest and lowest point in life. i might not see you or hear you often, but sincerely. thank you for taking notice of me. =)

to my mum, dad and sis. sorry ah i know i haven't been home often due to work and play. haha. i love you guys so much.

and to the very special person in my life. i have been blogging about you ever since i've known you. haha. i guess you just don't realised it. =) i love you dear.

take care peeps. ciaoz.

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Saturday, October 07, 2006 | 3:02 PM

BRAINSTORM

this isn't a juvenile conflict we ought to overlook. at least, it's time to face it. you can't solve it if you'd never faced it. you can never overcome it if all you do is run.

i hate it. i fucking hate this. why does it always go back to square one when i'd proceeded with it so well. fucking brains and analysis. somebody shoot me in the head.

i wished somebody could tell me what to do. or has everybody told me what to do so many times i just don't agree to them. that's why i'm still stuck in this predicament.

how can i lose this war when i've come this far. how can i give up?

i must win this war. i must win this war. i must win.

i'll win this time.

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Friday, September 29, 2006 | 8:45 PM

THE ORCHESTRA

we all live like muted trumpets for sometimes we cannot play in our true sound in certain pieces in our lives. a symphony requires the whole unique blend of each and every individual instrument and there are times when we will have to mute the trumpets if that is the sound required.

we have to sacrifice the small things to accomplish something greater.

likewise in life, there are times when we have to mute ourselves (not literally) in order to fit into society. however, it doesn't mean we aren't ourselves anymore.

we're simply more reserved.

the choices in life come in hordes of sudden waves. we have to decide so quickly we often regret our decision. we think too much, bother too much about other factors that we failed to realise what the heart really wants. most of the time, all we have to do is follow our hearts.

cliche, but so true.

i believe we all only have a hundred years to live. i guess for every single moment to me is a gift from God who want me to make the best out of every one of them. i love the things God have given me in life.

He have given me the best i could receive.

i see heaven when i close my eyes.
when i close my eyes, i see you.

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Thursday, September 21, 2006 | 2:48 PM

SENORITA

the view of the horizon ignites the thought of the ends of the world and provokes the mind to wander into the undiscovered lands. the need for the courage that many lack to break free from the bondage of society. the cruelty that one can be subjected to is not discrimination,

but self-pity.

the life that is casted down on each individual is unique and incomparable. one can never say one is not blessed, he's simply not appreciating what he's got. we envy what people have and never once looked at ourselves and truly be contented.

we are egoistic, selfish people i must say.

many taunted others because they are insecured. they reject alternate ideas and beliefs because they are afraid. they fear for the fact that one day, their life might change just so sudddenly.

the efforts towards a beautiful life is ruined.

because when i think of you, i know someday, my life will be completed.

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Tuesday, September 12, 2006 | 2:02 PM

IGNORAMUS

a fine line of distinction between love and lust. a subtle difference in tampering with the notation of playing with fire. taking a break, breaking up. there is no clear definition as to what is meant to be.

no one understands.

they call it retail therapy. some call it a waste of money. what is bought filled us up with a sense of hope of being beautiful. such profound ideology brought up from a simple feministic hobby.

how can i cast you aside like a forgotten dream when all that i dream of is for you to be here with me.

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Sunday, September 10, 2006 | 2:46 PM

SCREAM

he embarks on a journey through silence. a momentum that built up with the years of observation. he sins along the way. he learns and grows wiser. like an old tree that conjures up spirits. like a saint who commits no sins. the distinction of purity lies not from what he does or where he comes from, but the very impregnable fortress that lies from within him. as long as the light shines from within, it will be pure. there's no requirement to acknowledge the right and wrong for as long as the insides are pure. nothing tainted will be shown.

where the sins grow roots and bloom. somebody has to chop it off. for the heart and soul has a freehold to grow, where sins will bloom and overtake. no amount of anything can kill the wraith growing inside for it lies within the impregnable fortress that forbids anything from entering. a light that shines through walls and veins. a love that fights in tons of wars. a knight that stands in silver armor.

a man that lives without regrets.

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Tuesday, August 29, 2006 | 11:58 AM

WHAT DAY IS IT

the water lilies drifting in the pond while the blue sky and clouds hanged above. i stand in the middle of these fields with endless boundaries. like a dream that kept us alive, the wind blew by. there you are standing right next to me holding my hand. how wonderful it feels to just have you by my side. with nothing else to worry, with just you here in my heart. all else doesn't matter, all else doesn't matter.

as long as you love me.

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Sunday, August 27, 2006 | 11:16 AM

THE SWEET LITTLE THINGS IN LIFE

the late nights we stayed up together just waiting for each other to fall asleep even though we are miles apart. the times when you would call to say good night. the days when we always wait for the days when we would see each other. the moments when there was no need to speak because we both know. we love each other so much that if either one was to leave, we'll never be complete.

how long has it been since love has knocked on my door. how long has it been since you'd knocked on my door. i don't keep track of your footsteps because i don't want to follow anymore. i'm always left behind in the race when everyone else's so far in front. i don't want to lose to you.

i want to win you. i want to be the one carrying the trophy in front, while you follow close behind. i'd rather it be like that. because this will never happen. i'll always walk beside you.

everytime i close my eyes and saturate my mind with your smiles.

i know deep inside.

you are all that i ever wanted.

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Thursday, August 24, 2006 | 9:40 PM

ACCIDENTAL DROPLIGHT

some people believe that love happens when it's least expected. we all accidentally fall in love. and of coz it's out of goodwill as we all know that all actions are justified in the name of love. but there are times when we end up at the lowest point in our lives and love never seems to appear. we start questioning if cupid's slacking somewhere or it's simply not the right time for love to appear. we pick ourselves up, we get used to being alone. well singlehood has its pros and cons. at least, there's only me, myself and i to worry about. isn't it?

love makes us laugh, love makes us cry. most of the times love fills us up, but there are times when love leaves us empty. leaves us all broken and alone. everytime a heart breaks, a star fades in the sky. but everytime a heart is mended, a star is reborn. whenever you look up at the sky, you'll see stars. sometimes you don't because the sky is too bright. simply not meant for the naked eyes to view. some things are meant to be seen not with our eyes, but with our hearts.

we fill ourselves up with cliche sayings. but isn't it just wonderful to simply believe? to forgive and trust again. to love, and be loved again. second chances are the most beautiful gifts we can give to somebody else. but at the end of the day, why can't we just pamper ourselves a little and give ourselves a second chance?

everytime we lose our faith, it means a cut off from happiness. and when we lose faith in ourselves, there's nothing much we can accomplish anymore. pick up the broken pieces and cast them aside. there's so much more awaiting for you to discover and find.

if you want love,

believe.

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Monday, August 21, 2006 | 1:37 PM

MOTIONLESS

imagine how it'll be like if the stars were to start falling from the skies and when we gaze up, we see a furious shower of bright lights luminating the whole dark night. imagine how it'll be like if we were to travel in the spaceship amongst this shower of fire globes, how exciting it'll be if you and i were to go through it together. how wonderful it is to go through the ups and downs with you.

you stood out amongst the sea of souls, the only one that drew all my attention to. but you aren't here tonight, and i'm in this sea all alone. the crowd drowned my emotions, the music emplified my delusion. the alcohol drunk my sanity, you crowded my entire being. no matter how i try to cast it all out, i cannot for i can never live without you. no, never without you.

a slam on my head against the hard wooden wall, i cannot bleed, my life is still unwanted. i'm painfully walking this road i'm on, struggling to keep up with something i could never comprehend. oh heavens open your door, let this poor soul in just for a little while. so he can rest his troubled soul in the comfort of the angels.

and when i think of you, i find my peace within. because you are my savior, you are my soul companion. if i keep your presence in my heart

i live.

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Sunday, August 20, 2006 | 3:46 PM

LIVE

the walk towards the twilight forces you to keep your eyes squinted. you can barely make out what's coming at you, to put it crudely, you're half-blind. that's how love makes you. it's like staring at the light and just heading towards it because you're enjoying the warmth of love, the lighted future it brings. love makes you do the craziest things. and it's always justified in the name of love.

likewise a prayer, we hold in our hearts hopes and dreams that we long for to be alive. the reasons we breathe, the reasons we live. we hold in our hearts hopes and dreams that not only long to be alive, but are also the very source that keeps us alive.

if life was easy, it wouldn't have been so enriching, so promising. if life was easy, well, living wouldn't have been such a great thing after all.

all the hopes and all the dreams that i hold in my heart, i long for you. because in your eyes i see

what true love means.

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Saturday, August 19, 2006 | 4:10 PM

LAVENDER

it's like watching cars rushing on the highway as you stroll down the sidewalk so far away from the road. you tilt your head and gaze at the night sky, counting stars. the breeze swept across your face gently coupled with a little scent of lavender in this winter night, you find peace. the purple flowers blooming across the fields, gentle flakes of snow falling. such a beautiful sight.

the silent whisper of your voice in my head as i tucked my hands in my jacket. i wonder how it'll be if you're here with me. just the two of us sitting on the purple fields holding hands. it'll be wonderful, wouldn't it?

i walked this path never trying to find out where i'm going because living is a process and the end will be whatever it will be. i don't want to care if it's gonna stop snowing or the lavenders gonna wither or the stars might fade.

there'll always be a time when it's gonna snow again, lavenders gonna bloom again, the stars gonna shine again. just like the both of us, there'll be a time when it's just the two of us again. just you and i sitting on the purple fields gazing at the quiet night sky

with you holding my hands.

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Thursday, August 17, 2006 | 4:52 PM

THE MONSTER THAT ATE JELLYBEANS

unlike the tyrant that baked ham on the stove,
the monster ate jellybeans.

he finished the bottle, watching mad tv.
his favourite was the greens.

like the angel that has six wings,
the monster has six arms.

he used one arm to hold the other arm.
the other two arms to hold the two other arms.

because he is a monster,
he needed self-control.

the other day when he forgotten where he placed the jellybeans,
he overthrown the russian kingdom, looking for it.

and the russian king ordered the knights of amsterdam
to slay the monster who ate jellybeans.

the monster threw a couple of jellybeans on the ground
and summoned the jellyking.

the jellyking ate up the knights of amsterdam
and asked the monster if he wanted more jellybeans.

the monster said yes,
why would he say no to jellybeans?

he took the new bottle of jellybeans
and headed back to his couch.

there he sat, eating jellybeans.
watching mad tv.

this is what i call a mad entry.
and if you read it heh.

you're mad.

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Wednesday, August 16, 2006 | 9:04 AM

I WAS TRAPPED IN THE MANSION

it was damn scary can. i had nightmare again! i was attending a case at this mansion and i got lost. yupz. all alone and this little girl kept following me. ugh she appeared to me like translucent figure that disappears as soon as i saw it. freaky.

i walked in circles for gawd knows how many times and i can never get out of the mansion. the ghosts blinded me. and guess what, my mum came and saved me. :D

but she left soon after coz she had to hurry home.

i was alone outside and managed to get to some nearby marketplace. there were alot of people. weird looking. they looked dead. and it was hazy like fuck. haha. yes you can see the haze. someone told me it's because it was the first day of ghost fest. hmm.

i saw people fighting. yupz a female supermodel and her boyfriend fighting a bunch of police officers. they got caught in the end and i ended up in the front seat of the minivan.

bad thing happened in the van. the girl was trashing the officers behind. she literally chewed on one of them! ugh. the boyfriend disappeared..

and i woke up.

i hate nightmares.

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Tuesday, August 15, 2006 | 5:30 PM

I DREAMT THAT I WAS DEAD

and i was in netherworld. yea i know i'm weird to dream of such stuffs but.. haha my dreams are more exciting than yours! BOO. anyway, i dreamt that my sister and max were there too. lol. i bet it's because max told me to kill him, no wonder i'm dreaming of him dead. as for my sister, well, she probably just dropped by.

anyway, the three of us were scouting this weird building. damn it looks like our average building only must more sleek and hi-tech. gawd. but this place feels dark. there's just something about this place that keeps reminding you that this is the netherworld.

we came across this mama shop. ah yes, and i was hungry so i left them and went to look for stuffs to buy. i browsed for a very long time and ended up with just a packet of bundung. i know it's stupid but whatever, i just felt like drinking it. hahaha.

it was very nicely packed. brown recycled material and pink flora prints and the word bundung. it's very pretty. haha but the stupid thing is it doesn't come with a straw. and ya, i didn't bother getting one from the auntie too.

i rushed to look for max and my sister but they seemed to have wandered off pretty far. i did saw them walking out of the room and walking off in different directions, but i realised that those are holograms that were reanimated to give me clues as to where they have gone. great. it kinda freaked me out a little seeing holograms moving.

just then, max and his friend came back from wherever they went and i overheard them say this. "if your butt has a tattoo. it means you have to go to school."

right after that, we're transported to some place with bright sunny sky and greengreen greens. there is a very high highway though. max asked if i realised that this highway never ends. i looked and agreed. and somewhat deep inside, i realised the irony of death.

i came back here and live again.

and this time, it sucks bigger time because they have stupid tracking devices making sure you do what you have to do! (including going to school) and if you don't perform your tasks, you'll be punished.

ugh. netherworld is scary.

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Tuesday, August 01, 2006 | 12:38 PM

FORBIDDEN LOVE

no place to be
just the girl and him
i guess some things aren't meant to be

how can she
someone who dreams
love somebody who lives upon
an aimless destiny

clip her wings
bring her down
sink him into the abyss of sins
take her soul
overtake her body
she subjected to immoral cruelty
of this boy who doesn't dream

she cried she say
she will stand by him
a burden too heavy to bear
an act no one else understands
she cried this is her dream
a mistaken image
they call forbidden love

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Monday, July 24, 2006 | 10:54 AM

I CAN'T IMAGINE LIFE WITHOUT YOU

because of the universal answer to everything.
(i'm trying my best not to quote you. hahaha.)

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Saturday, July 22, 2006 | 10:06 AM

WORLD OF OUR OWN

The very big problem with regards to the world trying to come together and solve the global environmental issues is the breakdown in communication. So what attributes to a breakdown in communication?

Well, it is simply distrust and self-interest.

When the countries come together and discuss on what to do about the environmental problems, everyone seems to be focusing on something that affects them the most. Well, it is undeniably for self-interest. Afterall, who really cares about the world when it is their nation's survival at hand.

Indeed, there are people around who really cares about the earth but when we really sit down and start thinking of ways to solve the problems, we will definitely start finding ways that do not shortchange us in the process. It may sound really selfish, but we are only humans afterall.

However, there are international organisations set up to counter this 'human' problem. For example, the UN bodies in the environmental field has been established and their role is to start finding ways to solve environmental problems with impartiality.

Armed with policies formulated cross-nationally and campaigns organised internationally, the fight to solve global environmental threats has just entered a whole new dimension.

What is the outcome depends directly on us.

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Friday, July 21, 2006 | 11:15 PM

WHAT IS THE BEST FOR THEM?

"There's always a great deal of rhetoric about how we need to race all the faster for economic 'growth' because it will help the poorest people on earth. In practice, of course, the poorest people on earth often just get brushed aside in the rush."

There are contradictory consequences that often derived from the good intentions of the first world countries to aid the third world countries in development. A reason that I have thought of is probably because the first world countries do not realise what the third world countries really need.

Most people think that by helping the third world countries achieve economic growth is helping them. The irony here is that most people are not aware of the trade-off that is involved in the third world in order for them to enjoy 'economic growth'.

Global seed corporations introduced hybrid seeds which promises high percentage increase in yields so that the farmers can earn more from the increased sales volume. However, in actual fact, instead of earning more, these farmers are earning lesser!

Hybrid seeds cannot be saved. They need to be purchased every year at a high cost. Not only that, hybrids are very vulnerable to pest attacks. This has in turn led to the increased spending on pesticides which has also contributed to the inflated cost needed to grow the plants.

The farmers used to sell multiple kinds of crops that are grown in their home gardens. In Java, smaller farmers cultivate 607 species in their home gardens! Using the demand and supply analysis, we can easily understand that the farmers were earning fairly well to survive. Prior to that, they were self-sufficient.

However, with the introduction of the miracle seeds, the farmers now produced million of tons of the same crop which in turn led to the drastic fall in the price of the crops sold. This has resulted in the farmers earning lesser than before. Sadly, they are no longer self-sufficient either.

Many corporations have also visioned great potential in the food processing industries in the third world countries. Under the pressure of globalisation, things changed. Hygiene laws that were passed shut down the local food processing economy. Work for human hands has also been outlawed, to be replaced by machines and chemicals bought from global corporations. This has driven millions into poverty.

Let us think about this.

What do the third world countries really need from us?

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| 12:40 AM

A MILLION DOLLAR DEAL

We need to adopt a thinking culture now. Why? Because our government is spending millions implementing new strategies to transform our schools into what they perceive as 'thinking organisations'.

Cool huh?

So what exactly is a thinking school? It is actually a school that infuses the passion of learning into the students and creates the ideology of teaching as a learning profession in the teachers.

The world is rapidly changing. Thus, it is critical for us to adopt to changes constantly. The future economy of Singapore will be both information and knowledge intensive. To be critical, creative, being adaptable and practising life-long learning are ways to prepare us for the fight in the near future.

Bottomline is how do we create a thinking culture.

The most probable thing that can propel the creation of a thinking culture in schools is the revolution in the culture of the teaching profession.

What do I mean?

Well, it simply means that the educators are to set themselves as role models to be thinking individuals.

It will take ages to create a thinking culture. It does not only involves the entire school, but also the society. Eventually, a thinking culture has to involve the whole nation.

A culture is created when a way of life is pursued. When there are more people involved, the stronger will a culture be.

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Thursday, July 20, 2006 | 4:20 PM

THE VERY SINGAPOREAN ARTS SCHOOL

What comes to your mind when you think of an Arts School? Well to me, it is an institute where young artists are nurtured; a symbol of anti-conformity; a place where the Arts is truly recognised as an important and respected discipline.

This perfect portrayal of an Arts School, however, is banished the moment you learn about the direction in which the newly established arts institute in Singapore is heading.

According to the chairman of the committee set up to examine the feasibility of such a school, Mr Lee Tzu Tang, chairman of oil giant Shell, explained at a press briefing that the school would emphasise academic grades.

Mr Lee said, "In the Singapore context, we all strive for excellence, whether it's academic or artistic. This school I would see as also striving for excellence in both areas."

How wonderful.

But is this really what an Arts School is all about?

Many of the high flyers in the artistic industries would not have qualified for the school. One fine example would be Mr Chua Ek Kay who now holds a master's degree in visual arts from the University of Western Sydney, Australia. He was admitted into Lasalle-SIA College of the Arts with hardly any qualifications.

There are so many people who are talented in the Arts but they just cannot perform the same academically. Is it really fair for the Arts School to accept students based on academic grading?

The direction in which the Arts School is heading leads one into thinking are we nurturing artists or creating an audience to critique the artists in future?

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Tuesday, July 18, 2006 | 1:04 PM

FUCK THE SPYWARES THAT HAUNT COMPUTERS WORLDWIDE

i have the urge to reformat my comp. ugh damn it. whenever i see pop-ups like everywhere i surf. i feel like just reformating my poor comp which is unfortunately contaminated by so many irritating spywares.

FUCK spywares.

if i could materialise spywares from the drives on my comp, i'll make sure i throw it all into a big pot of BOILING oil and start frying them ALIVE. and probably i'll start adding so much salt on their scalding skin to accentuate their PAINNNNN.

i'll make sure they scream out for their lives...

i'm really starting to believe in seeing things from a different perspective. YES. it works, literally.

along this mainroad of eunos... yes, i've stood at the two extreme sides of the road and i'd only came to realise that i've been at the same place all along!

it's just looking at the same road from different sides and man, it did looked freakingly different. you know it's the same place, but yet when you take a different stand, you feel different, you see different!

i'm just amazed. really amazed.

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Friday, July 14, 2006 | 1:28 AM

HOME

just lying under the darkened sky with patches of clouds hanging effortlessly. a sprinkle of stars here and there. a big cookie crumbled moon on the far end.

in this quiet night where the heart is alone, i don't feel lonely. coz there's someone at home, waiting for me.

waiting for me to come home.

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Thursday, July 06, 2006 | 10:19 AM

THE BIRDS IN THE SKY

i feel like i'm flying through the fluffy clouds that burst into bite-sized cottons and started scattering all over the greenlands below. the little children even thought it was snow. i feel like i'm looking at you and seeing a life so beautiful. it just feels so perfect with you around. i find peace in my everyday's quiet moments. because i've finally found someone who likes me for me. it feels so comfortable being with you. like the birds that fly freely in the sky, life is beautiful because of you. i can stay here just holding your hand, and looking up at the sky. because with you around, my life is beautiful. yes.

i'm in love with you. absolutely.

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Tuesday, July 04, 2006 | 12:50 AM

GET ME A DOG PLEASE

i wish i had a dog. i'll probably name it Lucky. then Lucky can bring me luck everywhere i go and whatever i do.

Lucky will be a white and black siberian husky and i will keep him in the aircon room so he won't have to feel hot all the time with his thick coat of fur.

Lucky will have a bed made out of the finest silk from china and eat alot vegetables for all his meals. i'll give him treats once in a while and toilet train him before he starts shitting everywhere he goes.

i'll play fetch with him so he won't be bored. i'll teach him how to sing britney spears' songs and irritate my friends with britney's tunes.

i'll bring Lucky to fel's house to play with glitz. but i'll make sure Lucky don't hump glitz coz it will not be a nice sight to see dogs hump.

i'll bring Lucky to the beach so he can swim. but he probably don't like the heat coz he likes to be in the snow.

Lucky oh Lucky.

i wish i had a dog.

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Saturday, July 01, 2006 | 11:24 PM

THE CLOUDS IN THE SKY

i really hope things will turn out fine. like the birds can still fly or the clouds will remain fluffy.

just hope things turn out fine.

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Wednesday, June 28, 2006 | 2:45 PM

ME

a soul that longed to be
something bigger than life itself.
where there is a purpose much greater
than living itself.

trapped in a shell he cannot abandon
neither can he find the courage to hold it up high
scars he cannot erase
some things he's desperate to hide.

some people just don't understand
he's rejected because of that.
unhappy with a life that he has
no contentment, some might say.

he is a sinner no one will save
borned into a hopeless world
a superficial world
he cannot let go off.

he long to be somewhere
he can never be.
he'd never accepted himself for someone
whom he really is.

a madman in a mask.
a loser trying to win.
an endless pursuit of honour.
a sinner,

he'll always be.

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Tuesday, June 27, 2006 | 12:12 AM

THE A HUNDRED HOURS A DAY WISH

i really wish that a hundred hours made up a day.

because then i can do whatever i want and be satisfied. really satisfied. whaha. but then again, i'll probably hope that two hundred hours made up a day. oh well.

so make it right, now i have twentyfourhoursaday.

i want to play. i NEED to study. ahhhh i hate to make such choices. it's so obvious what i will choose but i can't!

brrr.

oh man, make it a hundred hours will you?

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Friday, June 23, 2006 | 11:05 PM

THAT SUMMER AND THEM

i'm having a freaking bad headache. haha. probably coz i didn't sleep in the proper position just now. lol. i don't know what's going through their heads. i don't know just how important they are to me and how important i am to them. and here you are reading my entry, paying attention to my thoughts, hoping to share a little wisdom with me. but why am i not putting you in the more important piority in my life? am i taking things for granted? sigh i really don't know. when you start trusting people and people changed, that feeling sucked.
BIG TIME. like all of a sudden, you feel stupid and naive. you feel like you're the greatest ass in the world and everyone's laughing at you. ah what a feeling!

maybe i should just do what i've always been doing. hmm haha. i'm too random. can't think of any specific things that i've been doing. oh well. just shoot me in the head and pray for me to go heaven to be with God.

i'll probably end up in hell though.

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Tuesday, June 20, 2006 | 12:15 PM

WHICH CAME FIRST, CHICKEN OR EGG?

i feel like i'm standing outside the circle drawn on the sand. it's dumb looking at chickens fight but can't help it. what's worse?

i feel like joining in. hahaha.

i'm bored. feel so uptight about myself. can't help but envy people who are enjoying their lives while i'm here waiting for my chance. the opportunity. it's peace now. it's in fact bliss too. don't want to lose it. but i want happiness still.

like i always do.

ah chickens fighting, so where's the eggs?

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Sunday, June 18, 2006 | 3:14 PM

DON'T PEAK AT ME BATHING YOU MORON

there's this thing about contentment, about being happy, about being depressed; they run in a cycle. yes just like a cyclical fluctuation in a business cycle.

the peak and the unpeaked times.

i'm back at the peak having fun with all my friends. dotaing. clubbing. kboxing. animeing. feasting. movieing. ahh. it scares me at times because at the back of my head i know that all these won't last. there will be a time when all these fun will stop because everybody starts getting busy with other stuffs.

once again, life failed to remain permanent.

some people will say if it doesn't change, life will remain stagnant. yes i know but i rather it remain stagnanted at the PEAK.

and when i start thinking again. probably coz when you rest too long at the peak, you get tired and want to get some rest. that's when you start sliding down the slope back in the unpeaked times.

oh well i really wish life is always happy.

like ALWAYS HAPPY.

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Friday, June 16, 2006 | 6:08 PM

I WANT TO MARRY YOU

don't marry someone you can live with, marry someone you can't live without.

how sweet. how true. but when we really sit back and look around us. probably not many of us are lucky enough to do that.

we are, in fact, the most intelligent species on earth. apparantly, we may be weak physically, but our intellectual capabilities far exceeds anything on earth. our mental potential is so much wider that it may very well sum up to the extent of unlimitless. dare fool around with us, think twice, you beast.

we are cheap, cunning, selfish, arrogant. we protect ourselves so well.

speaking about adaptability. we might as well be the most adaptable species on planet earth. are you sure you can live without someone? blah that's nonsense in our generation mister.

we can't live without ourselves.

now the quote: "marry someone you can live with" is much more appropriate isn't it?

sadly, we go through phases of life. the mainstream flows like this, primary school, secondary school, junior college/poly, ns, university, work, work, work, work, work, work, retirement, work, dead. every time we enter a new phase, our life changes. people around us changes. we no longer proceed in the same direction. so sad, but true. the very nature that kept us so close together has forced us apart. we're best friends in history.

i fucking hate the mainstream. that's why. call me an idiot or snoy. whatever you want to call me. call me a kid who refuses to grow up. fine. i hate life. i hate the stupid procedures of a fucking life. it's stupid. plainly idiotic or snoyical. fuck man. life sucks. ughhh.

i'm just complaining. bahhhh.

fcuk.

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| 4:07 AM

THE GRASS IS GREENER ON THAT SIDE

the grass is always greener somewhere else. it's so true but i guess i'm not looking for greener grasslands anymore. i guess for me, i'd tasted the tastiest and the worst already. now all i want is just owning a piece of grassland of my own.

yea a piece that's owned by ME.

but when i start thinking again. i'm probably no longer a wandering sheep. i'd taken the other role already. i'm now a piece of grassland. yes i'm waiting for my sheep to hop on to me and start feeding on the grass i'm growing. but not here yet.

wonder where it'd wandered to.

oh well, grassland or cattle. i guess we all need to know how to be grateful when we finally found one that we love. i guess learning to treasure what you have found and not be greedy for more is of utmost importance. you'll probably be the luckiest man, sheep, grassland for always if you've learnt to treasure.

there's always a greener grassland, a fatter cattle, a better person somewhere. is the grassland that you own green enough, the cattle that you own fat enough, or the person that you love good enough?

ah fuck.

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Thursday, June 15, 2006 | 1:49 AM

THAT STRAWBERRY BUBBLEGUM TAPE

ben thanks for the strawberry bubblegum tape!

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Tuesday, June 13, 2006 | 9:56 AM

THE ISSUE ON JUDGMENT

It is a common thing for many to play pretend. Most people fake ignorance for a simple reason; they cannot face reality and they need to escape from it.

It is like the frog in the well analogy. They only look from that fixed scope of life. Nothing more because they refused to come out of it. They refused to accept that there is something bigger than that. A life much bigger than them.

We all view life based on our experiences but how fair can it be? We have not seen everything. In fact, we will never be able to go through EVERYTHING in life. It is like playing a game of choices. You are given 2 choices in the first stage. After you have made your choice, you might never be able to come across the choice that you have forsakened for the one you chose in the subsequent stages.

It is only fair for us to leave room for doubt. We should give each and every thing the liberty to be something we have not came across. It is only fair that we resist judging. That is when we can truly see a person for the person he really is or a thing for a thing it really is.

The state of confusion only happens when we refuse to accept the person or thing just because we do not understand the rational or even simply for what it really is. We cannot say something or someone is crazy just because we do not understand the theory behind it.

Most of the time people quarrel because they do not understand what each other is trying to say. Each individual is trying to make the other understand his point but we often forget that listening and understanding each other is equally important for us to have effective communication.

Counsellors act as mirrors for their patients. They do not tell their patients what is wrong or right. They let the patients see it for themselves.

There is no clear definition to many issues in life. Let us be liberal and give the benefit of the doubt to many incidents that will occur in our life. Probably by doing so, we can expect a much fuller understanding of life without having to force it to flow in our desired way of life.

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| 9:26 AM

EUU

dreams. ugh im having nightmares recently. hahahaha so weirdd.

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Monday, June 12, 2006 | 6:10 PM

A RAINY DAY IN YOUR SKY

like the weather, like a storm that brews in front of your eyes.
seconds to change, last not more than days or nights.
because the transformation is random, you cant predict the outcome.
like the wind that carass your skin, like the sun that warms your body
like a hug from a friend, like a kiss from your sister.
a dream that lasts is only a dream that you dream of
for things change by the seconds, so fast you cant keep up.

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Sunday, June 11, 2006 | 9:52 PM

PUZZLE BUBBLE

uniform outing is fun. we took photos. i saw charlotte! she couldn't recognise me. lol. of coz. i wasn't in tpjc uniform. hahaha i threw my away and borrowed from melvin instead. lol.

she gave me the weirdest look man.

then was the arcading in marina bay in the middle of the night! i working in the morning la. haha but it was damn fun. i don't know. just going against my normal routine and just have fun. it was fun. i'd never done something so crazy before. oh ya, we went to geylang to eat. ahhhhh it was damn nice la. maybe i was hungry.

o well.

and then i got home at 5 plus. then wake up at 7. i nearly wanted to hide away in dreamland la. haha i was irritated by mum! but yea, it was just morning kinda moody thing when you are damn tired la.

went to work. slept. lol. sat in the car, fell asleep every 5 mins? haha. o well. forgive me sir.

ahhh i like having fun.

and at the back of my head. something keep telling me to study.

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Friday, June 09, 2006 | 9:26 AM

STRAWBERRY CHEESECAKE

avril lavigne is hot.

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Tuesday, June 06, 2006 | 4:16 PM

SOME PEOPLE

some people believe in second chances. some people believe that letting go of what was not meant to be would be the best thing to do. some people cry because they are sad. some people laugh because they find it stupid to cry. some people need people around when they are weak. some people likes to be alone because they need to clear their mind. some people think some things are important. some people think nothing can hold them down. some people treasure. some people lost. some people hurt. some people heal. some people learn. some people always make the mistakes. some people always hurt. some people always.

if there were second chances. if there was a time machine. if there is a reason.

i wouldn't have to stay here griefing.

on the things i should have never done.

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Monday, June 05, 2006 | 2:31 PM

THE FERMENTATION OF WHEAT

INNER PEACE man. haha bingzhao will know what it means. lol. ah i cleared up almost all the shit that i created! whahahaha and i will continue to clear up the shits that are still around. lol. i'd let them lie around too long. this place's stinking up. whahahha.

bingzhao. i don't want to put up the cutie pie pic. lol. ok i just go add on to the post then can compare the two of us. whahhaha. see who's more disgusting. hahahahahahaha.

i didn't go church yesterday. AHH. okay it's my fault i was lazy. sorry Lord.

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Sunday, June 04, 2006 | 11:09 AM

BIG CHUNKS OF COOKIES

i'm sorry ben. i'm sorry anavil. i'm sorry max.

finally got through IISS deployment. ughhh. heh thanks so much sherman for switching QRT with me. lol. if not for you i would have been really bored standing at the driveway.

arh shangri la is damn nice la. i'm gonna book a room there one fine day.

bye i'm going to church.

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Saturday, June 03, 2006 | 5:36 PM

I'M SORRY

even under the clear blue sky
he will never be able to calm
for there's a storm in his heart
that was stirred.

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| 10:48 AM

SURVIVING

2nd night. ughh it was better though. lol. all thanks to evelyn who volunteered for deployment last night. haha. ugh tonight she's not deployed. gawd. who's working tonight? hmm..

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Friday, June 02, 2006 | 11:38 AM

I CAN BURP MY ABCs

ever since i joined spf, my days simply started numbering itself. i practically stayed awake from one day to another. my body clock is adjusted till i practically sleep anywhere at anytime so that i can stay awake when im ought to be awake.

last night's deployment was a horrid. it's 1138hrs, i'd just reported off 2 hours ago. at 1800hrs, i'll be back in npc. brr.

these are the days.

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Wednesday, May 31, 2006 | 3:26 AM

M.O.S.

M.O.S. is so cool. the ambience and music simply got me in the mood. whahaha. awww but the stupid drink is a glass of coke. no alcohol coz i'm at an underaged party. whatever man. haha! don't ask me 'bout it.

i still like you man. ugh and it's getting on my nerves. haha.

oh Lord, flip the coin for me.

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Monday, May 29, 2006 | 11:55 PM

MY GOD :D

finally attended speedlight on sunday. heh was late though but glad that i made it. brother timothy was talking about temptations in the sermon. man was it enlightening. i realised that it's very true when you submit yourself to temptations, you'll slowly move away from God. that's satan's aim; to cut you off from God absolutely.

i'm really blessed that God saved me again. i feel completed!

man i love my God.

"Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me." - John 15:4

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Thursday, May 25, 2006 | 10:30 PM

THAT BLANK PIECE OF PAPER

you should face yourself, somebody told me, learn to accept the way that you are.

i'd been brooding over this sentence for the past 30 odd hours. pleasantly, i did understand myself a little bit better.

now what you know is the superficial level of your problem, what you need is to go deeper inside. you can't find what you're looking for outside.

the answers are inside of you.

i took out a piece of blank paper and scribbled all my thoughts down. unfortunately, i realised that i was pretty superficial with myself. i couldn't even face myself truthfully.

edison, grow up, somebody else told me, life is not always a bed of roses.

you're seeking your happiness in another person, when will you start caring about the person's happiness?

i cried because i realised how selfish i'd been.

love is never about me, it was you.

i'd been miserable, thinking why life's always against me.

it's just not the right time.

instead of sulking over things i can't change, i should start appreciating and enjoying the life that i'm having;

that's going in my way.

the one thing about myself that i'd always feared to face; to accept not having life going my way.

stupid edison.


"For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." - Jeremiah 29:11

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Wednesday, May 24, 2006 | 5:05 PM

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

fuck it man, just fuck it all. i'm not fucking okay. i am not fucking alright. fuck it man. just fuck it.

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Tuesday, May 23, 2006 | 5:34 PM

STOP

sometimes it's like living a dream which you ought to just direct it a little. take little control of things and move it in your way. life's gonna be great if you just stop pushing yourself so hard. i don't need distractions to keep myself from thinking. i simply stop thinking about it. when on earth do i ever need to be in a relationship to heal my broken heart. i broke this myself, and i shall heal it by myself. do i need someone to fill up my empty days? my days are empty because i want them to be. i want to just laze around doing nothing. it's not because of anyone that i can be happy. i smile and laugh because i feel like it. letting go? there's nothing to let go off because i pick things up and keep them if i want to. i'll put it down when i feel like it. i'm in control and probably you are. sulking, self-pity, distractions. who needs those when you can simply stop it.

yea just stop it all will ya.

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Friday, May 19, 2006 | 10:32 AM

I MUST STUDY HARD

my sister told me this yesterday when i was using my comp.

"kor, it's time to get worried."

i looked at her, puzzled.

"my principal started to count down for us."

HAHA.

i must study. i must study. i must study. brrr.

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Wednesday, May 17, 2006 | 7:35 AM

A PAPERCUP THAT'S HALF-FILLED

i am not stranded. but anyhow, i was painfully reminded that i was, yesterday. like a fist clenching my heart when i saw what i saw. when i had to pretend that nothing ever happened. and i had to pretend that it hadn't affected me in any ways, at any times.

no more affection for you, but what is left is the miserable memories of how weak i was. the weakness that love leaves you to be in front of whoever it may be. and for that, i regret.

like dust that i scattered in the winds
like the paper plane that i thrown into the sea.
let us forgive and forget.

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Saturday, May 13, 2006 | 11:50 PM

YOU

i feel peaceful.
and i like you. o well, but i choose to like you silently from afar.

i like it when you smile.

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Thursday, May 11, 2006 | 9:54 AM

SINGAPORE AND THE BANGLADESHIS

Do you know that the fact that Singaporeans are very willing to hire Bangladeshis to work in Singapore is actually helping to resolve world poverty and solve Bangladesh's social problems created by poverty?

World poverty can be greatly reduced if the richer countries are willing to have their immigration laws reformed to allow larger numbers of unskilled workers to work in their countries. It would be more effective than other forms of international integration such as trade liberalization.

However, the current climate is not very hospitable to this idea because having more uneducated foreign workers in the country probably means more trouble. The governments will have to fork out more resources to deal with the increased criminal and social problems which are not very favorable to the countries' economic growth.

Therefore, this highlights the importance of the need for the help of international agencies to come up with some programs to provide free education for the children in the poor countries. Through education, literacy rates will improve, social problems and crime rates can be reduced, labor productivity will improve, et cetera.

Education will definitely be the best solution for the poor countries to move out of poverty in the long run.

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| 12:10 AM

CUTIE PIE NUMBER 1.

this was a hilarious picture of bing zhao. i removed it long ago because it's... too hilarious. haha.

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Monday, May 08, 2006 | 4:56 PM

THE HEARTS THAT BELONG TO SOMEONE ELSE

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Sunday, May 07, 2006 | 1:02 AM

UPDATE

hey my phone's spoilt. if you think i'm ignoring you. i'm not.

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Wednesday, May 03, 2006 | 1:01 PM

INTELLECTUAL TRESPASSING

Cross disciplinary analysis allows us to take a fuller view on the study of a certain phenomenon. A phenomenon that requires explanation cannot be explained fairly by one perspective. In other words, we cannot use only one discipline to try and explain a phenomenon.

Certainly, different disciplines can bring forth a different perspective for us to take on an unbiased and wholesome look on the selected phenomenon. As we all know, many issues that require our attention are usually subjective to individuals. One example is the issue on beauty. No one can really give a set of notations as to what attributes beauty. Thus, in order to derive a fuller and more accurate definition of beauty, we need to view it from all perspectives (economic, political, social, etc).


"You can't fix a whole puzzle with a thousand pieces of the same piece." - Me

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Tuesday, May 02, 2006 | 10:49 PM

WINGS

he has a clenched fist filled with hopes and dreams.
somebody asked him, what's in there?
he remained silent, his fist clenched.

he came across a waterfall.
the wind whispered in his ears, give it wings.
he remained silent, his fist loosened.

a car dashed past his route to his destination.
he paused, remained silent, his fist loosened.

give it wings, he overheard somebody saying to somebody else.
he remained silent, his fist loosened.

at his destination, he opened his fist.
he let go of his hopes and dreams.
he gave them wings.

give it wings
give it wings.

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Monday, May 01, 2006 | 1:55 PM

MONSTER BREED

this is a substitute entry.

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Saturday, April 29, 2006 | 9:56 AM

SUPERNORMAL PROFIT OF A ROCK STAR

Ever since NAPSTER, the first ever peer-2-peer sharing program that had been created, superstars have suffered great losses in terms of their profits from sales of their recordings.

Undoubtedly, the invention of NAPSTER had started a whole new way of acquiring music and has thus incited many other new inventions to support this uprising trend. Many ripping programs have been created to support the increasing liking of the MP3 format. This has also led to the creation of MP3 players and later on the invention of Apple's iPOD that has successfully become a popular icon gadget itself. Creative's Zen has also been created to carve a niche in the lucrative market for its own.

Laws that supported Intellectual Property Rights have also been laid in attempt to protect the music industry from declining profits. The trend of buying music online has also been started to restore some of the profits lost from piracy.

As for the superstars, they have started to diversify their job scopes to more than just doing recordings. Superstars now do more endorsement deals as another source of income too. However, in recent years, live performances have become one of the most profitable area in which superstars can earn.

Over the years, the entertainment industry has taken more of the form of a market and is now driven by market forces. When the new form of entertainment industry has been established, companies started to push up ticket prices to their own benefits. They found out that the price elasticity of concert tickets is pretty much inelastic. Consumers consider other non-price factors like who is performing and creativity.

Nowadays, live performances are moving in a direction of creativity. Thus, with this increased sophistication of such shows, prices inevitably have to be pushed up.

There will be new modes of music distribution - which means there will be more diversity and competition. However, technological innovations continually cause change. The industry has to change and it is changing.

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Saturday, April 22, 2006 | 4:36 PM

FREEDOM

We have often blamed society for conforming us to its own set of standards. More often than so, many of us actually fear going against it. Thus, in actual fact, we have locked ourselves in an imaginary cage.

Freedom is self-proclaimed. We hold the power to dictate our own freedom. It is the fear of being prosecuted or condemned that prevented us from declaring our own beliefs.

However, freedom does not empower your with the rights to upset others' beliefs. If your aim of proclaiming freedom is to create another set of standards for others to follow, then you are no better than society.

Conformity is a choice. Freedom is not granted, it is inside of you.

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Friday, April 21, 2006 | 4:04 PM

BREAKING THE AGE TABOO

Is beauty only represented by youth? This is the question that is worth our time to ponder over. Have you ever seen an old lady somewhere and you just had to turn over and take a second look at her? It might be that she is someone you have seen on television or it might just be because she is beautiful.

Being beautiful is not just about having flawless skin or slender curves. Instead, having the right attitude and impressing people with your charisma when you speak with self-confidence and convictions. These are what it takes to make you beautiful.

If you happen to be one of those that worries about growing old and wrinkly or thinks that plastic surgery can make you look more beautiful, please think again. Worrying makes you grow older faster and plastic surgery only makes you look more plastic. Stop seeking plastic surgery as a solution to your fears. The best way out is to age gracefully.

Remember that your attitude defines you, not your looks.

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Wednesday, April 19, 2006 | 11:02 AM

MOTHS

there are moments of extreme sadness in life; there are days filled with insane encounters; there are months of depression; simply because we'd lost control of our lives. the thought of losing; the sense of insecurity; the symptons of menopause;

is this really you?

the struggle for power; the need to manipulate; the urgency; these simply amplifies the madness. these are exactly the moments that you should just lose yourself.

be the fire, not the moth.

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Friday, April 14, 2006 | 9:04 AM

RANDOM

i'm dreaming a lot lately.
last night, i dreamt of an indian.

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Thursday, April 13, 2006 | 12:34 AM

GOING AGAINST

sometimes it scares me
just how accurate your words can be

let how you predicted
that my toe will turn black.

sometimes disbelief
it's a way to be ignorant

a method to disregard
the important issues

like you walk in the opposite direction of the wind
so your hair won't end up messy.

or you look in the mirror
in the angle that you look best.

it's just scary
how history repeats.

like you know your heart's racing
but you pretend you don't feel it.

you trash your hearing with songs
but it doesn't seem to rhyme with your feelings.

you're lying to yourself
the same way you did to them.

because you're scared to know the truth.
so you pretend you don't know it.

like going against the wind,
sometimes having messy hair

may be the best hair style you can get
on that windy afternoon.

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Tuesday, April 11, 2006 | 8:43 AM

LINDERFAIRE

ginger and michael grew up together in a small town called linderfaire. ginger came from an average family, leading an average life. as for michael, he came from a religious family. his family is very spiritual. he grew up wanting to become a priest.

throughout the years, ginger was michael's best friend. someone who stood by him everytime he needed somebody. however, to ginger, michael remained a special someone deep inside her heart.

she loved him.

it was a rainy morning when ginger broke the news to michael.

i'm getting married tomorrow, she said.

michael felt a sting in his heart.

how long have you known him, he asked.

15 weeks, she replied.

15 weeks and you know he is the one for you, he exclaimed.

yes 15 weeks and i know he is the one for me, she replied and boarded the bus.

michael's heart torned.

he was a priest. he was forbidden to marry a woman by his religion and by the society. he was a priest and he had standards to meet.

he loved her but he couldn't tell her so.

michael presented himself at ginger's wedding. he watched as she submitted her life to the other man. michael struggled to breathe.

from then on, he told himself, i devote myself to my religion.

the next morning, michael received a letter informing him that ginger was dead.

he ran to her house.

there she lay in the garden of roses. a letter beside her, dedicated to michael.

she couldn't marry a man she don't love.
ironically, she couldn't marry the man she love.
death was her solace.

michael killed himself that very night.

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Sunday, April 09, 2006 | 12:05 AM

SPEAK IN ALISH PLEASE

individualists are a common sight nowadays. ironically, they can be classified as beings routed in the system of egocentricity. it's sickening to speak to intelligent people. they have this reflective ability to prevent their intrinsic character from being contaminated by alien particles.

yes i'm an alien. i speak Alish. apparantly it's a very profound language that many have not yet acquire; not even the basic understanding as to what Alish actually portrays.

i compare people a lot. i analyse people by assuming them as equations. apparantly, people are flow equations. they do not assume the same coefficients all at the same time. in fact, the probability of them assuming the same value can be rounded to zero.

i'm a bothersome person. my friends thinks i'm irritating being a bothersome being. they'd rather i pretended to be ignorant, which i do at times because i just don't bother to bother some people. i'm not a friendly person, mind you.

since we've been cultivated to be doubtful of everything, the acceptance of concepts become a challenge. ignorant people refuses to accept intelligent concepts because they're stupid; because they think intelligent concepts are way too confusing to be accurate.

sometimes we have to admit we're only people and there is only so much we can do for others. it's impossible to make a pig understand Alish because pigs snort; you don't. it's impossible to make a ugly woman admit that she's ugly when her impression of perfect beauty is what her face depicts. who knows, your face may be the exact representation of idiocy to her.

people are different. yellow is yellow to you, but red to him in your context. (red is red to him, but yellow to you in his context.) which language are you using when you speak to your parents? do you know how to speak parento?

when you speak to protect yourself when people criticise you, in my context, you have refused to truly understand yourself. everyone notices you differently. you can't fit the whole picture with 1000 pieces of the same piece.

i speak Alish.

unless you do, this entry will confuse you.

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Thursday, April 06, 2006 | 10:22 PM

OH HEARTACHE

oh heartache
like a flu that hits any time.

a wounded child
oh it takes time, it takes time.

a critter wandering
lost in the fields of green.

where are you my dear
i can't find you in my heart.

have you lost your way?
i seem to have been lost these days.

i'm sorry i'd let you down,
but i can't even find myself.

oh dear
it hurts so much, there're tears in my eyes.

have you found another spring?
have you forgotten me, my love?

angels, angels
please give me wings

my love is lost
she can't find her way.

angels, angels
please carry me.

my darling told me
she will wait for me.

like the gold in the sands
she'd lost her way.

and i can't get her back.
can't bring her back to me.

oh heartache.
leave me

let me be, let me be.
a critter in the fields of green.

a wounded child.
the gold in the sands.

oh heartache.
let me be, let me be.

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Saturday, April 01, 2006 | 11:24 AM

SYMBOLS

whiteskyblue is a symbol. a representation of a particular stand at a particular point in time. it does not represent the same stand all the time.

it depicts the opaque stand in life.

the rational is simply to view life from the other perspective and be appreciative of what we have now.

we have to be aware that not all that is happening is what it seems to be.

what we have been taught or heard might be wrong.

how right can something be if it was presented to you from a biased source?

it might only be right if you see it for yourself.

take a look at the alternate perspective.

[visit http://whiteskyblue.blogspot.com results guaranteed]

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Friday, March 31, 2006 | 9:49 PM

PHOTOGRAPHS

he took a little photograph of you
while you were walking down the alley

all alone around half past ten.
there you lay, so peacefully in bed

while he stood half naked outside your window
thinking of making sweet love to you.

he took that pair of scissors
that was on your table for so many days

your clothes are gone,
he stole one of your velvet black underwear.

he framed up the photograph of you
and hung it in the middle of his empty living room

he cut your velvet black underwear
and used it for his plates and forks and spoons.

there he hid right inside your cupboard, waiting.
he is still waiting for you.

you see your house door ajar, your table light on.
there's a little photograph of you on the floor.

a pair of scissors from your table,
a torn black velvet underwear.

hush.

he's listening to your breathing
as your chest sank and rose.

tonight is your fateful beginning,
to your deepest secrets and fears.

you are his lamb.
he is not the wolf.

he holds a knife
and a big round stone.

your heart.

he'll steal from you.

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Sunday, March 19, 2006 | 1:21 AM

MASKS

politicians use lies
to conceit the truth.

poets, writers use lies
to reveal the truth.

people, we chose to live
behind the mask

for we fear there'll be
no acceptance of whom

you, we really are.

people, we hope
for the day of freedom

when we can be independent
and free to be who

you, we really are.

sadly, regretably
society, it disregards us

people, we cannot be free
until the day

you, we free ourselves.

discard the mask,
for what lies beneath the flesh

is what really matters.

the burns, scars, scratches
are nothing more

than marks of societal cruelty.

open your mind and heart
to another level

in this universe.

for the world is expansive
some place, it belongs

to you and me.

where people,
we love each other as one

without the masks,
we love each other

as one.

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Thursday, March 16, 2006 | 6:11 PM

RANDOM

i'm happy. haha.

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Tuesday, March 14, 2006 | 12:17 PM

ARE YOU TRYING HARD ENOUGH?

trying hard?

please try harder then, for there's no limit to how much e