MONDAY BLUES

well well, it's monday and it simply marks the end of the short 2 weeks holiday break. it has been well spent with tons of hours gaming as well as a fair share on projects. all is good to go.

nothing much to blog about yet, but i guess i just wanna say that the year is coming to an end and yes, 2009 i'm ready for you. hope we all are and that's about it. three cheers for 2008.

ABOUT LIFE.

maybe when you think lesser about life, and just get on with the dailies without any questions, you'll be better off. maybe, by searching out answers to life is just an endless pursuit of knowledge, one that we will never be able to acquire. life's getting on me, and i can't control what's falling apart. but, what is there to be done, you can only helplessly watch it fall and then, pick up the pieces. it doesn't kill, but it evokes major changes, changes that are far from comfortable to bear and take. changes that close doors, but open up new paths. i'm fully aware of the obstacles in this journey, however, not fully ready to accept all the changes. life's a mystery, one that keeps us thinking. and the thing is, when you think, life just gets even weirder.

不是我不明白.

when will the stars shine without a care for the earthly lights seem to luminate the skies so brightly already. when will someone ever look upon the night sky and thank the stars for shining, even though most of the time, nobody notices.

it proves to me once again that everything is really meant to be. it's not about how hard you try to avoid or obtain something, but if you were meant for it.

we can run away from everything, but what's meant to be will be waiting for you at the end when you come your stop.

if love isn't what is supposed to be, then love it will never be.

if this love is meant to be, no matter how hard you try to run from it, it'll knock you up repeatedly.

stop trying so hard, sometimes, by doing nothing about it,

is the best way to handle it.

like they say, happiness and misery are the extreme ends in a spectrum. well, today, although i can't be at that happy end, i can be better than yesterday.

today, i choose to be happier than the day before. =) i'm happy!!!

because everything doesn't matter when you're here with me. it may be raining, but to me, my life has never been brighter. it may be cold, but i'd never been so warm inside. you give me, that fuzzy warm feeling when i look at you. and when your eyes set on me, you melt me like a piece of butter. i love you, it might take time to see. but someday you will. someday you'll know, every single part of me, longs to be with you. especially the one here, beating every beat, for you.

there he was, born in the light, always envied those, that stood in the dark. how he wished, he was the dark knight, one that had nothing to lose, one that had nothing to fear.

he played with fire, he toyed with elements, where does he land, here in the dark, accompanied by those he envied. how he felt like, a dream come true. how it seemed so perfect, so undeniably attractive.

nevertheless, thoughts crossed his mind, who he was, who he really is.

that's when it starts falling in. it all starts to clear up, at least, that's what he hopes.

i wish i could, look through your eyes, and read your mind. so i know, where do i stand, in your heart.

i wish i could, hold your hands, and stare up at the sky. not knowing if it's wrong or right. just you and me, without a care for the world.

i wish i could, evaporate into the wind, so i could be somewhere else, not here, by myself.

i wish i could, be there with you,

until the end of time.

well all things happen for a reason and in life, everything is fated.

well, probably the reasoning and throwing all responsibility to fate seems all to easy, but it's not.

so can you accept certain things in life when it just has to knock you straight in your face?

if you can, you probably accepted that in life, there are just some things that ain't gonna be smooth for you. and you'll probably be able to live in contentment, in peace.

the thing about being at peace with yourself, is definitely not easy for me.

coz i dislike it when i don't perform, as in, when i don't carry out the plans i had planned or when i didn't execute it well enough.

all these parts and parcel of life and the everyday routines, i guess, life just ain't so easy after all (if you decide to mark out every single detail according to your plan).

oh wells, so what to do? listen to my advice, ignore it and just live it. who knows, you might find that sparkle in this trench of soot.

i'm a disaster, complete with devastating after effects.

i'm starcrossed, you've got to be brave to be my friend.

i'm the worst nightmare anyone can have, and i hate that.

totally.

today, the sky was partly cloudy, very sunny. i lay in my bed, staring out. all my life, i've been busy figuring out how to get on with society. it's complete package together with the accompanying rules and norms. today, i chose to differ. freedom is my choice for the day. and for today, i'm not going to pretend to be the same. today, i choose to be myself.

frustration,
it overwhelmed for a while.

i didn't know how, or what,
triggered this ill feeling.

maybe it was the words i heard, or read,
just suddenly, it subsided.

i could hear my heart beat,
the sound of the breeze,

i felt at peace.

everything seemed so quiet, so tranquil,

i felt brave.

i have always been afraid to be alone,
but i realised, i can live on my own.

but what about you?

you are the piece that completes me.
so how do i live on, feeling empty?

maybe this void in my life,
is the only reason for me to carry on.

it reminds me, i was completed,
and that it's left empty now,

because i love you.
more than i love myself.

that's why, i can let you go.
maybe someday, you'll realise that i'd never left.

then you'll know, even without me around,
your life, has always been,

completed.

who would care, if not you.
if i should feel so down,
if i was crying.

who would care, if not you.
when i got bad results,
when i'm feeling frustrated.

who would care, if not you.
if the world came crashing down on me.

who would care, if not you.
if i stop loving you.

who would care, if not you.
if i felt miserable coz i'm waiting for you.

who would care, if not you.
who would cry, if not you.
who would.

only you would.

i love you.

i'm certain your eyes were looking at me
the way your head turned,
your smile, i could never forget.

you were standing so close,
but i felt you were in a distance.
you belong, to somebody else.

i would take your hand,
run away from the world,
but i know, you belong here.

i shouldn't take you away.
we're from worlds apart.
maybe that's why my heart aches.

we'll never be together.

there you were, standing so close to me
i thought, i might have got you.
and it all fades like dust in the wind,
that smile i used to miss.

i'd used a million words, to explain
this feeling of love,
like dreams they always appear
in shades of gray,
you appeared in black and white.

the colours that make you real,
i'd never gotten the chance,
we're always two worlds apart
only close enough, to feel.

that smile i used to miss,
fades like dust in the wind.
i thought, i might have got you,

when there you were, standing so close to me.

I LIVE IN SPIRALS.

the impressions that are laid in front
never always reveal what's laid underneath.
for the truth is always hidden from the naked eye
for the truth seeks to be found.

words never fully explain what everything's
supposed to mean
at times ambiguity gives us a tinge of hope
that silver lining in this dark gray world.

if we were to fall into a trench
never be able to reach out again
then maybe, we're all just spiraling downwards,

downwards into nothingness.

SITUATIONS THAT BEG TO DIFFER

all of it, spirals downwards
into an abyss of wrongs.
once so noble, but he fell
into the trench
where everyone else is.

how can it be undone
when what's done is already done?
if there were ways
to move back the hands of time,
will he change?

right here in the trench
people seek to be filled
but the more they fill,
the emptier they get.
so where, tell me,
does all these lead us to?

time heals wounds,
scars remains scars.
shall we deny all these
and play pretence.

today, i'll smile for you.

this is one of the nights when i would just listen to some sad love songs and think about life. i feel like i've wasted so much precious time worrying. in the course of my life, i feel like i've always been neglecting people that i ought to pay attention to. people whom i'm blessed with, but i failed to treasure. friends, so many smiley faces appear in my mind and i feel the ache in my heart. i don't know why, i can't just pay more attention to the people that i love. for a long time, i hadn't cry for people other than you. i guess tonight, i'm feeling really emotional. but i'm glad, at least tonight, i'm dedicating my time to the friends that i love.

keep your filthy lies off my ground.

YOU HAD ME.

there were times when we took the liberty
and believed in whatever that comes our way.
a point in time when we don't question about

what is and is not, because all that matters
was that we are on our way. we braved
through the fire, emerge strong. no doubts

no worries, just you and me.

THE TIMES WHEN WE REMEMBERED VIVIDLY.

complacency, we all sin
but how many times we see

our lives, they pass us by.
so painful, yet powerless to contain

these moments that leave us
empty inside.

sometimes, we wish we can
turn back, these lost times

but how many times can we
wrong ourselves?

it is now, maybe never
we own ourselves.

but after we owned,
then who

who do we belong to?

POCKETFUL OF SUNSHINE



i got a pocket, got a pocketful of sunshine. do what you want, but you're never gonna break me. the sun is on my side. i smile up to the sky. i know i'll be all right.

CHANGE



invariably has been what people get used to.

people get scared when there's changes, because they love their comfort zones. but maybe we ought to give change a chance to prove, it is more than a double-edge sword. maybe. change can bring us further,

nearer to our dreams.