THE MINISTRY OF DEFENSE.
betrayal, who hasn't came across such strong emotions, especially with friends you thought were always true, always faithful. it came to a breaking point for me one fine day and i decided to give up on humanity completely.
wait, don't get me wrong. i am still hopeful, i still believe i'll meet the 'right' people who've been through certain things and reached a certain phase in life and our chemistry works out just so perfectly, we can be friends for a lifetime.
but until life permits such luxury, i feel myself so naturally creates proper barriers to protect myself from getting hurt. why suffer for people who aren't worth it? this is a contradiction for me, because i want to form genuine friendship with people, i want to get closer beyond 'this'.
i think 'this' is something we all know, i don't have to explain word for word, but you know, it's just this point of the relationship with a person whereby you want to get closer - skin deep, more than 'this'.
but i can't. every time i get close enough, i will automatically back off and refresh myself - like i'm anticipating some forms of attacks and i'm getting ready to counter every single one of them. i don't even want to suffer a scratch. that's how bad this is getting.
bad, i can say it is, because i long for the closeness between true friends. i have a few, i am contented. i guess i'm a little greedy because i long for more (quantity) quality relationships with people.
how do i get close to someone now? i'm still figuring out this advanced defense mechanism that's inbuild in me.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
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3 comments:
Don't be afraid to fail...
You've failed many times, although you may not remember...
You fell down the first time you tried to walk...
You almost drowned the first time you tried to swim, didnt you?
Did you hit the ball the first time you swung a bat? Heavy hitters, the ones who hit the most home runs, also strike out a lot....
R.H. Macy failed 7 times before his store in NYC caught on...
English novelist John Creasey got 753 rejection slips before he published 564 books...
Babe Ruth struck out 1,330 times, but he also hit 714 home runs...
Dont worry about failure...
Worry about the chances you miss when you dont even try!
You only live once... enjoy the process! :)
If it's any comfort, I too feel the same about this defense mechanism thing. I've never been able to make close frens since JC and basically jump from group to group to whomever offers welcome. But most of the time do not feel the sense of belonging. Sometimes I think maybe it is because of the secrets I cannot share. but it is still the same around people of the same feathers. I feel like an invisible friend most of the time.
Maybe it's like you said... we're just afraid of getting hurt, and we're scared to open up to such risks.
For me, those pal-like friends who stand by each other, who displays all the brotherly love, belongs only to the screens.
Hope you find yours eventually. :)
And sorry for this whole chunk of comments. Your post really tugged a heartstring.
Cheers.
hey thanks man.. really glad there's people out there who share the same sentiments as me. alas, life goes on no matter what.. all the best to you guys too... cheers
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