SETBACKS THAT I LOVE

we all need the occassional setbacks to propel us forward in life. a lot of times, we view 'setbacks' literally as being incidents that obstruct us from reaching our goals. ironically, it is these obstruction that fuels us even more strongly to breakthrough and reach another level.

simply put for my case, i feel that every time i get hit by a criticism about my singing or songwriting, it gives me a 'mini goal' to accomplish. all these small steps that i take brings me further than what i could ever imagined it to be.

not surprisingly, with every video i put up, every song that i sing, every song that i write, i want to be better than before. now, i'm taking longer to put up a video. this is good because i want to make sure i put up something that keeps showing that i'm improving.

120 subscribers right now. my goal - 1,000,000. haha sounds far fetched but i gave myself 3 years and unlimited times of putting up videos. someday, i'll make it. it's how i brace myself through the obstacles right now.

the present is a gift. i look at these 120 people who believes in me right now and i always tell myself. i should really do something to get to know these 120 people. i'm currently thinking of putting up a video to thank these people who believes in me.. all these mean so much, so much to me.

if you happen to be reading this, i would like to thank you for this amazing gift you have for me. i know this is very hard to keep my word to but i would have to hold on to this belief. as long as 1 person is touched by my song and singing.

i'll keep on singing.

IMAGINATION



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Lyrics:
They were sitting there
Talking about their dreams
I was standing there
Thinking about my own

I was listening
Closely to what they said
Then I realised
That I was somewhere there
Somewhere there

We were talking about hopes
And dreams and then
The world fills up
With love and lights to see
Imagination becomes reality
Someday I Know I will get there

Do you believe
That I'm gonna get there someday
Do you believe
I'm gonna take you to the stars

Then I can take you on
A journey there
And you could see that
Every single dream is possible
And I can change your mind
And make you see
That dreams are dreams
Only if you dream
Without believing

THE MINISTRY OF DEFENSE.

betrayal, who hasn't came across such strong emotions, especially with friends you thought were always true, always faithful. it came to a breaking point for me one fine day and i decided to give up on humanity completely.

wait, don't get me wrong. i am still hopeful, i still believe i'll meet the 'right' people who've been through certain things and reached a certain phase in life and our chemistry works out just so perfectly, we can be friends for a lifetime.

but until life permits such luxury, i feel myself so naturally creates proper barriers to protect myself from getting hurt. why suffer for people who aren't worth it? this is a contradiction for me, because i want to form genuine friendship with people, i want to get closer beyond 'this'.

i think 'this' is something we all know, i don't have to explain word for word, but you know, it's just this point of the relationship with a person whereby you want to get closer - skin deep, more than 'this'.

but i can't. every time i get close enough, i will automatically back off and refresh myself - like i'm anticipating some forms of attacks and i'm getting ready to counter every single one of them. i don't even want to suffer a scratch. that's how bad this is getting.

bad, i can say it is, because i long for the closeness between true friends. i have a few, i am contented. i guess i'm a little greedy because i long for more (quantity) quality relationships with people.

how do i get close to someone now? i'm still figuring out this advanced defense mechanism that's inbuild in me.

I Don't Like Alcohol. I Love My Dog. I Love My Friends.

i don't like to drink. drinking makes me depressed. the after effect persists on for many many hours until i sweat it all out. yes just like what my spa lecturer describes excess nutrients as; toxin.

i'm in this consistent whirlpool of thoughts, when you look at me, you'll know i'm not a very happy person. i can't think about happy when i'm thinking about many other things. many other things = things that actually don't matter much. i don't know why i'm so bothered then.

i contacted my beloved friends. one is sleeping, one asked me to download the happy album of the year. lol. see how they affect me so positively. the thought of them just pushes aside all the bad thoughts and the smile just forces its way out of me.

i looked at my dog, asked him why he didn't want to eat his breakfast. he just gave me this sad face saying he doesn't like it. he wants more flavour. i told him, "later buy you big bone ok?" his face lights up in delight. he knew what i was referring to.

i'm surrounded by so many lovely people. people who shower me with so much love. okay, just wait for my best friend to call me back and everything will be okay.

we'll go for retail therapy. lol right.

spaces. life without dependence. it was a scary thought. situations happened, forced me out of my comfort zone. i eradicated the gaming addiction, freed up loads of time on my part. i spend more time doing things i like, i pay more attention to my friends, people that had been standing by me all the while. just that selfish me had not seen how precious these people are, until you met the bad eggs.

dreams, i find myself brave enough to dream about them now. not really worrying what you think of me anymore. i am myself. i was lost, and in the midst struggling aimless, i just stopped. i'm enjoying myself in this process. this is something i learnt, the hard way. i can go against the tide and swear about not getting what i want, or i can let the tide bring me where i'm supposed to be.

here i am, all found. pieces that were broken, i threw them out. now i'm just a complete individual, accepting love from all around. i'd always knew what it meant when they say you've got to love yourself before you can love someone. but i'd never knew how to love myself. i loathe myself, expecting people to love me. as expected, most of the time, people can only love this much and they go.

i've learnt to love myself now. and i'm here standing strong not on my own, but with the people who love me unconditionally. now that my life has finally just begun, i should start sharing with you some of my love. so that one fine day, you'll find love. the way love should be.

this is one of the nights when i would just listen to some sad love songs and think about life. i feel like i've wasted so much precious time worrying. in the course of my life, i feel like i've always been neglecting people that i ought to pay attention to. people whom i'm blessed with, but i failed to treasure. friends, so many smiley faces appear in my mind and i feel the ache in my heart. i don't know why, i can't just pay more attention to the people that i love. for a long time, i hadn't cry for people other than you. i guess tonight, i'm feeling really emotional. but i'm glad, at least tonight, i'm dedicating my time to the friends that i love.

THAT STRAWBERRY BUBBLEGUM TAPE

ben thanks for the strawberry bubblegum tape!

BIG CHUNKS OF COOKIES

i'm sorry ben. i'm sorry anavil. i'm sorry max.

finally got through IISS deployment. ughhh. heh thanks so much sherman for switching QRT with me. lol. if not for you i would have been really bored standing at the driveway.

arh shangri la is damn nice la. i'm gonna book a room there one fine day.

bye i'm going to church.

CUTIE PIE NUMBER 1.

this was a hilarious picture of bing zhao. i removed it long ago because it's... too hilarious. haha.